Rave

2009-12-26T01:19:00.002+08:00

WHEEE i havent done anything for a long time
I registered for my bike lessons but haven gone.
Haven even registered for my lessons LOLOLOL.
N/e ways. I complete my CSB.
And its 26 december.
OMG a year going to be over.
I spent x'mas home alone.
No big deal though.
Alot of strange feelings running through me
Heart pain.
What is it now.

Sighs. I dont know.
I just wished i was not alone
But at the same time i wonder.
Where is the person i wanna be with.
Why cant she just give me another look.
And when will i have a chance.

I dont know its just that i'm growing up.
Old liao.
I miss you.

... And 1 more thing .
my ex somehow seems to have things going on.
Good for her. :]
But at the same time
SHIT THIS.

final post

2008-09-21T13:08:00.002+08:00

You were right about one thing .
Time does heal wounds.
And people can say things without meaning it.
I'll keep that in mind.
I'll remember not to trust anyone.
Because you broke that biggest bond.
You broke my biggest promise to myself also.
But i might not =x LOL get a wife straight dont need gf x]
HAHAHAAH =x
no la not possible x]
I've things on my mind.
Time passes by.
I'm still thinking about the past.
I still remember her soo well.
All her likes and dislikes.
All the things i forced myself to do because of her.
All those things.
Anyways.
As this blog comes to the end of its life.
I just wanna write down all my memories.
Between this 108 days.
Its been horrible and good.
I've taken a step forward.
And yet also a big one back.
To know and not to know.
To care and not to care.
To learn how to move on and leave behind things you dont want to.
I'm moving onwards.
And i think everyone stuck should too.
Sometimes because of promises and depression just keeps a person there.
No matter how hard you try you cant do much.
Not because you dont want to your mind and heart just cant get along.
Just set a goal for yourself.
And move on.Thats the easiest way.Or just simply distract yourself.
Its easy to fall for anyone you see.
Been reading hilda's book.
Love love love.
Whats love?
Whats purity.
Whats god whats true love?
Its hard to listen and believe and truely love someone.
Espicially to non god believers.
Because they're asking you to love someone you cant see.
But thats physical love aint it?
hiaz its confusing but its very straight forward really.
To love someone who you believe in.
Its training aint it?
Its not physical love nor intimacy.
Haha. But what good does it really do really.
Looking back i looked for a job.
I messed up my house.
I messed myself up.
I realised that i was broke and needed to refresh myself.
i had to move i had no choice.
I cant rely on anyone.
And i kept telling myself time waits for no one.

Working at NY is one of the best places except for a few people.
The people there taught me alot
yet very little.
But some of the friends made there will be kept in mind.
Listening to a few love songs.
And sometimes they really make you wonder.
Whats love?
Everyone is talking about physical love.
Chances you've to take.
Risk you've to take.
Sacrifices you've to make.
But this crushed feeling just wont go away.

Why do i keep running from the truth
Becuase all i think about is you.
You got me hypnotised
So mesmerised.
and you just got to know
Do you ever think when you're all alone.
All that we could be.

LOL, Random lyrics.
All that we could be?
Somehow when i read that book i feel that we should be very restrained in our relationships.
But as long you know your limits.
Thats all you've got to do.
Sometimes when i see someone i can just tell what they're like.

But anyways. Just looking back.
I want to let everyone know that i apperciate what they've done for me
Be it good or "bad"
to keep a balance in the world we need both good and bad.
Life and death,
Happy and sad,
Hungry and full,
Ugly and pretty,
Assholes and Nice people.
But sometimes its better if there wernt negative points.
But we're flawed aint we?
Once again being being who we are
You can always live in your own believes.
Your own world and hide and pretend that everything is fine and perfect.
When you experience bad people maybe you'll understand.
To endure and persist.To try your hardest even being pressed against the wall.
Fighting back for what you think is right and protecting whats important to you.

Watching my sister grow up.
Watching everyone change.
Somehow its very unsatisfying.
Because no matter what you just want somethings to remain the same.
But deep inside you know time wont wait
Reality is like that but you cant do anything about it.
And thats what that sucks

To love and to miss.
To want and not to have.
Desires and necessities.
Friends and enemies.

None the less this 108 days have been very important to me about moving on.
And i've completing the hurdles.
Just another 4 more days to go.
I'll pull through!.
I'll i made a promise..
And i wont break it.
I'll fight for what that is "right"
And i'll protect whats dear and whats important to me.
You were what i wanted.
You were everything to me.
I'm not angry.
I never am or was.
I'm just sad throughout.
I've nothing to be happy about.
B4 we were together i guessed i was the same.
But now i've lost so many things
And i'm at a complete lost.
I'll need new goals.
I'll need new friends.
I'll need more.
Please when i get into army
May i be with nice and good people.
Till than my fate is all in my hands and in those above.

till than this shall be my last post on this blog.
THIS BLOG IS OFFICIALLY DEDICATED TO THE 108 DAYS AND THE 108 DAYS BEFORE.
thank you for the memories
thank you for everything.
Be it good or bad.
We must accept life and move on.
THIS BLOG IS DEDICATED TO ZHIWEI AND MY MEMORIES.

thank you.(and its posted in her favourite colour) ^^

2008-09-19T21:39:00.002+08:00

Huh?!

today was lame i woke up .
Than i kept telling myself
NO PAUL YOU CANT SWITCH ON THE BLOODY COMPUTER.
Okay than i went to shower.
Than i called pan pacific.
And they said i could like work tomorrow?
LOL?! WTF?

Okay den i switched on my bloody computer xDD
Played maple o.0
So no life right?!
Left house at 2+ went to cut hair
O.0 I LIKEE xD
than after that i went to NY.
Realised alot of people wan quit NY also WAKAKAKA heh =x
All the nice people go =/
Hiaz sad right?
Speechless =/
Hiaz i'm glad in a way.
But sad in another.
all my friends.
Somehow i feel they'll fade away.
but i know 1 will definately stay.
Hilda maybe serena and jeroen?
Bong also i hope.
Other than that i go kitchen only v happy see Bong and Tey only.
Tey quit already also.
Today go take my speakers.
Saw Zai , Vivian , Wei Jie, Hilda for a moment, Ken, Zul, Heh I FORGET THE KITCHEN SUPERVISOR NAME, ella, jessica, kahwee, some new guy. and Nicholas(supervisor) and my "mummy" serena.
okay la soo boring.

Than i came home lo.
But somehow i dont know how time fly so fast now already 9pm
Dont know what i doing sia.
Dont wish to say much my heart is loitering now.

I hate being falsely accused.
I want to help but i'm not allowed to.
I'm being pressed by you and i cant speak.
Why not you solve the problem by yourself?
You cant can you. And you said you've tried your best?
And you shut me out.
So be it lo do what you want i've tried .
If time is what you need i dont mind waiting.

2008-09-19T02:58:00.002+08:00

September , Friday 19 , 2008
Jobs T_T

I realised i dint blog today again
As Hilda said i dint go job hunting today.
Felt lazy.
hiaz what to say what to do.
Anyways i've decided TOMORROW AKA TODAY I'LL GO JOB HUNTING AND I SWEAR I'LL FIND A JOB!.
Probably some Japanese restaurant x]] den at the same time can steal some sashimi! WAKAKAK =x
I wish =x haha!

Recently i've been having alot of flashbacks.

And apparently my lag problems is still here.
People said if you like someone just "JIO" chase ask her out.
date her.
But the thing is that I DONT WISH TO HAVE ANOTHER "GIRLFRIEND"
kinda status and den get hurt again.
I just want someone loving.Someone compatible.
Someone who loves me for who i am.
People who'll listen and understand.
I've found someone who truely will and give advice.
Hilda probably Jacelyn and Charmaine as well~

Anyways its late and i'm having a roughly good idea of where to job hunt le hehe.
all the best to me x]]

I'm thinking about my ex.
But the feeling is no longer there.
I want to have a final post when i stop using this blog
But i'm afraid i forget what to say.
But it does not matter to me anymore because no matter how curious i am.
Somehow it does not appeal to me anymore.
She was someone who was just a person who was all words and no action.
Looking back thinking back she accused me.
Thinking back knowing that.
I know that i dint do any of those stupid stuff.
I did have a maple gf while with her
BUT EVEN SO i told her i quitted maple already.
Is that considered flirt?
Considering that i spend as much time as i can with her abandoned everything else for her.
Give up my interests and sometimes my working hours for her.
True i was wrong
And i admit that i feel very stupid and dumb
But was i given a chance?
Could i have been given a chance.
No i was not .
Whats love than?
If you cant forgive, Cant feel the passion, Cant "sacrifice"
If you just cant love in total
Than dont love at all.

Within the 3 months we spent together.
In the 2nd month.
Ending of the 2nd month rather i could feel you fading away.
I told you i was not perfect.
I said so many things.
You faked happines.
You believed in what you wanted to.
I did not have a say in anything.
You can do what you want say what you want.
Because your characteristics are build up on yourself.
You choose what you want to believe and not.
You decide to choose your pride over sympathy.
You decide to do so many things.
If you look back really.
You were still criticising me on the day b4 you reflected and "apologised"
If you really have a heart.
What does having a heart mean?
Smashing a mirror and gluing it back?

Never mind its all over and done.
Just some flash backs and reminders that will remind me how painful a relationship can get.
Loving someone is what i wanna do.
But if getting hurt is in the process?
I rather not be in a relationship at all.

So than tell me . When you said you love me
What did you mean.

6 MORE DAYS till 108 days after our break up.
I still count.
I still remember.
I still feel the pain of the broken promise.
But whats done is done.
I still remember you saying you would be there for me.
I still remember those soft hands.
I remember those warm hugs.
I remember those passionate kisses.
But remembering is not going to do me any good is it?
So i'm going to leave it all behind.
And i'll just say one final good bye.

2008-09-18T00:01:00.003+08:00

Devotion vs Commitment vs Responsibility - I'LL POST LATER GAMING STILL XD

Whats the meaning of devotion , Commitment and responsibility?
What do these words mean to begin with?
I'm devoted to our relationship.
I'm commited to my religion.
But i'm responsible for my job?

Lets say if they clash what would you do?
A 1million dollars contract of your OWN company that decides if it sustains or falls?
A religious ceremony that decides your "fate" - OKAY THATS BULL SHIT =x
Or whether you would lose the woman/man of your life
What would you do?
Actually these questions you ask your heart can liao
Its super "obvious" right?
Maybe? maybe not.

Would you be responsible for your own actions only?
Have you though about the foundations ? Those people working and lives that might change if your company collasps?
Be devoted to just your one and only spouse?
Or go flirt around making out with others for your own "BENIFIT" or pleasure?
And Commited to what you were "born into" or your choosen path?
Or just do what you feel like doing or be lazy and say never mind la can do it some other time?

Okay never mind i'm just mixing everything up.
No matter what hits you how hard.
Think properly Than make a decision that you wont regret.
A decision that's for yourself.
Look after yourself 1st than you can look after others.

I'm having alot of flash backs as well as visions.
PLEASE STOP IT -.-
My stupid wacko mind just cant stop freaking thinking can it.
Got my new pair of spects today.
Think it looks slightly like goggles but it makes me look very sharp.
Haven tested the it yet.
Dont know what they call it but its supposed to change colour o.0!
the lens changes colour!
SO COOL RIGHT lol .
Zzzz actually i dint need such a pair of spects.
Just for fun.
hiaz. never mind ba.
Its an investment.
Soo bored i played my entire day away.
Tml i go job hunt again .
Hope i can find something good x]]

2008-09-18T00:01:00.000+08:00

i just realised i dint post yesterday~! OMG LOL and that was like 2 mins ago =/

sick

2008-09-16T19:27:00.002+08:00

Unstable =x

Nyaa -.- I'm sick
I'm still sick
And i'm still sick.
Think its because of sugar?
Or was it because of the spicy noodles i ate for lunch?
ROAWR I DONT EVEN KNOW HAHAHAHAHA
Sick sick.
My specs are doneee.
They messaged me o.0!
SOO COOL LA =X

All my "IMPT" friends not online.
Hiaz no one to talk to..
I'm bored.
Where's Charmaine, Jasmine, Hilda, Larry, Sylvie and the motha fcker =x
WHO IS IN ARMY.
Hahaha orbi phone no bat and money ORBIII!!
xD
I'm bored.
I'm having a fever.
I'm hot o.0
I'm sick.
BUT I DONT CAREEE.
I dreamt about my ex and charmaine AND Hilda yesterday? O.o!?
Soo weird and freaky.
Zzzzz its like %^&*()_&^%$%^&*(&^%$%^&*(&^%$%^&*(*&^%$
Too bad i cant say anything HEHE
Okay that was only about my ex.
Charmaine and Hilda was nice remembered yesterday and the time i met charmine x]
Both at bugis and at Hougang.Dont know what that stupid shopping mall called la.
I'm gonna rest for now.
So much for me crapping online again whee~
Laterss~

shopping

2008-09-15T20:37:00.003+08:00

Monday , September 15 , 2008
Shopping!

Woke up today.
Mapled.
Than I sorta asked hilda out?
Or did she ask me?
OKAY WE ASKED EACH OTHER OUT
lols.
She came all the way down to queenstown just to buy my spects with me
OMGGGG lols 1st time go shopping with a girl =x
ALONE SOMMORE
OMG OMG OMG =X
HAHAHAHA =x
Maybe not 1st time.
Sylvie got go with me b4
Still got who ah?
I dont remember la so rare and sooo like never that i go shopping.
Than bought my spects.
O.0 she chose for me x]]
Anyways i spent like 350 dollars today -.-
LUCKY STILL GOT 3 diget in bank x]]
ROFL soo funny la.
Than We talked abit
But i know time was not on our side.
She had to be home for dinner and stuff.
And YES MY HOUSE CAN SEE INDONESIA! wanna bet? squint ur eyes and see this!
North is m'sia . South is Indonesia.
Hahah damm funny laa. Whatevaa!!
Den either ways we talked about a few things.
Hey hey i know all your problems liao HAHAHAHA
But still -.-
I dint actually LIKE ASK
But i "asked" indirectly
And you said the rest yourself so dont say me hor!
HAHAHAHAHAHAH
But i understand how you feel to a certain extend.
Just set ur mind straight ba thats all -.-

I'm so excited about my new spects la.
Heheheh.
Yeah lets hope time flies and i can wear them soon xD

SHITTY

2008-09-15T00:58:00.002+08:00

SHITTY

Yesterday work was quite okay till
Ken started some SUPERVISOR nonsense.
Than everyone become super moody and cocky.
Bong decided to take a stand.
I'm just following orders.
And it was my last day there anyways.
Hmmm.
Whats said there remains there i cant say anymore.

NYDC is really a cock up place -.-
Lousy management now as if they not earning enough
They want to cut staff and they want to cut HOURS as well?
WTF LO you got see how much they earn per plate of rice sold?!
DUMB FUCK'S
Glad i left but i'm sad that i've to leave behind my friends.

Today talked to a very moody hilda.
Okay i dont wish to eleborate but it totally sucked.
I dont want to say anything already la.
But if hilda you read this i've nothing much to say just that i'm sorry for saying so much.
And i hope that you wont take what i've said to mind because when whatever you say involving god.
I already feel super guilty already thats why you should not mix around me .
Because true i do treat you as a very close friend or someone i know i can rely on and trust as well.
But when it comes to this kinda sensitive issues that might change you totally
And if its about religion i really dont wanna play a part of get in your way.
I dont want you to blame yourself
I dont want you to say things that are not true and manipulate yourself.
And those around you as well.
I've things in my head that are so contradicting.
I've things that i've yet to find out.
I've so many things i've yet to do also.
Dont be like me
Friends are there for one another
I'm still reading your book.
I promise to return it in good condition.
But for now i just want you to know IF YOU READ THIS.
That Life has much more to offer so dont make hastey and stupid decisions.

i'm 1cm close to breaking up, 1cm close to leaving the house tonight, 1cm close to killing myself, 1cm close to thinking God aint real. with all this, how can i not screw up tml?

If I'm the cost for all of these things than i would rather take everything i've said back and you live a happy life without thinking about so much.
Leave the thinking to me and enjoy your life ma -.-
You're still young!
AND you've got a bright future.
I'm thinking about your card you gave me.
Just tell me everything?
Naw maybe its best to leave you alone.
But why am i still talking to you.
Zzzz i dont have any intentions.
I dont have any thing to prove or say.
Maybe its just because i'm feeling guilty?
Guilty of making you feel sad right now?
I really dont know la
WHATEVER.
- ANNOYING! FRUSTRATING! DEPRESSING-.-

2008-09-14T17:09:00.002+08:00

Screwed up family

Stupid i today quitting need to return what i took
Dammit than my family touch my stuff hang hang den now my 3RD APRON FLY AWAY?
wtf?!
DEN NOW I'VE GOT TO BEAR RESPONSIBILITY AGAIN.
WTF LO.
I tell them b4 dont touch my stuff.
If touch put at 1 place i settle myself.
WTF LA .
Than now how.
Than they still wan argue with each other whose fault is it.
THAN I NOW PEK CHEK DO WHAT?
Think about it no point la.
Gtg work liao .
Everytime my clothings missing
Everything my stuff missing become my fault.
Everything i ownself buy de also my fault.
Everything lost also my fault?
You all care for what sia .
Dammit just leave me alone la .

My laundry i ownself do.
My stuff i ownself pack
My room i ownself tidy
Okay?! soo i'm going to start my nonsense tonight since i've alot of time.
Screw this i'm going to make a move b4 this shit gets worse.

Erms' Sunday.

2008-09-14T12:55:00.003+08:00

Erms? Sunday?

Hehe i miss a special someone to me
I dont know if she knows if she's the one that i'm refering to.
Hahaha.
Hopefully things work out la.
I dont know what i'm doing also
Talked with BLUR HILDA TILL 4AM omgg la.
Den i begged her go sleep
LOL
Hiaz speechless -.-
Time to message charmaine =x long time no message her liao
NOW WHERE'S MY FREAKIN FONE.
What are you doing on such a beautiful sunday!
How often will you get a cool sunday!
WOOAH~ today is one of the nicest sundays like in the year =x
HAHAHA called my cousin to go buy spect's with me
Was thinking of a slightly cool "shaded" framless spects.
Since i'm no longer sporty
And another pair of normal spects.
Dam i should look after my eyes =/
Hehe but never mind la.
Charmaine still haven reply.
AS USUAL either she forget busy or some other nonsense la HAHAHAH =x
But its things that are so unexpected which makes life interesting worth waiting and fun lolss!!
I'm bored -.-
Working at 6 later.
Supposed to be last day.
Should i return my uniform?

hiaz

2008-09-14T00:39:00.001+08:00

Sunday , September 14 , 2008
Hiaz.

I'm having a LONG CHAT WITH HILDA.
Yesterday was boring and lame.
Soo boring saturday.
Okay i dont wanna actually post anything.
Just say that i've alot of things on my mind.
And for once in a long while again.
I'm feeling so empty tonight.

reading.

2008-09-13T14:42:00.002+08:00

Readingggggggggg

Reading the book that Hilda lent me -.-
Hiaz but too bad i'm not christian =x
Am i?
Wells i cant say that i'm not but i wont say that i am either.
So what does that make me?
People say matters of the heart just follow your heart.
Matters that need to think use ur brain.
But matters of faith?Use your?
_______
Speechless =x
maybe? Maybe not.

Relationships hiaz. i dont know what to say about them.
People just want the intimacy without the commitment.
Heres one thing that the book said.

-"When we broke up it was definately the toughest thing that's ever happened to me," Jayme told me afterwards. Even though physically they'd never go beyond a kiss, Jayme had completely given her heart and emotions to Troy. Troy had enjoyed the intimacy while it served his needs but then rejected her when he was ready to move on.

Does this story sound familiar?
Yea totally it struck me -.-
Made me want to read it more.
But somehow the feel with god in this book makes me unwilling to read it.
Hiaz.
Still i'm commited to read this book i've stopped at page 27 so i shall continue when i've more "courage" and faith" soon.

Yesterday

2008-09-13T00:46:00.002+08:00

Saturday , September 13 , 2008
YESTERDAY.

1st of all i'm feeling so bad i dint post yesterday morning =/
well i woke up at arnd 11+?
I dont remember what time i slept
But geez.
Anyways i went to work early as REQUESTED!.
AND SOMEONE HAS DEFINATELY HAVE ALOT OF THINGS RUNNING THROUGH HER MIND.
Wells it's her "BEST FRIENDS" birthday.
What more can i say?
Probably some other stuff.
She's changed.
Well she gave me a card as well as LENT me a book.
I kissed dating goodbye.
Wells i've no intention of really going into it.
But she asked me to read it.
So i shall.
I've so many things running through my mind as well
I'm feeling super high yet depressed at the same time.
Thought about my ex again..
Thought about my birthday..
Was soo looking forward to it this year actually.
To celebrate it with someone i love.
Someone i thought loved me.
Someone i thought was different.
Someone who TURNED TABLES AROUND AND SHOT AND STABBED ME IN MY FACE.
But somehow i dont feel angry anymore.
I'm just feeling sad.
Not slightly sad. just depressed.
Disappointed maybe?

Anyways. "Today" at work was super rush -.-
The orders kept coming OMG LA.
930 AND ORDERS STILL COMING IN.
How to do closing etc la!
But we made do
HEHEHE I'M SUPERMAN =X
Anyways today Bong was super depressed.
Till i SOLVED HIS PROBLEM!
Yay x]]
Cant say what it is though.

Hilda i've alot of things to say -.-
And you better not mis understand me.
And i dont think you will.
About the card you sent me
DARN YOU BETTER GET A LIFE MAN!
Its a "repeating" card.Keep saying the same things over and over again.
But its super appreciated.
I'll carry it wherever i go.

I hope everyone can get along well.
Everything seems to be changing.
Everyone seems to be changing as well.
Everyone has something they want.
But i'm still stuck.
Though i'm moving?
I'm still stuck somewhere in this crazy maze.

Hope that i seriously can get a good job settle down wait for army
And get _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ to know how much i think about her.
But i've only this to say la -.-
After everything someone has done to me.
Done with me.
Done for me.
its seriously NOT Appreciated
If you really wanted to do something you should have tried.

Time passes by

2008-09-11T20:02:00.002+08:00

Thursday , September 11 , 2008
Time passes by

Today i went to buy a new pair of shoes xD
82 dollars x]]
Okay you'll will see it soon.
Who ever you are x]
Tml must go work EARLY
Cas, Someone wants to pass me something
Today was a great day haha.
I think at least i think i had fun by myself.
Just went to shop for my shoes and bought this wristband.
Than i went to my grands.
Met my cousin and "pampered" my grand.
Than i came home.
Borring?
But it was quite Hmm fun guess i still love my cousin as much as eva.
x]
She reminds me of alot of things x]
And my grands house area changed alot
JUST 3 MONTHS K!
and its like WOW?
Lols.
K i'm speechless x]]
TILL ANOTHER TIME !

tODAY

2008-09-10T22:24:00.002+08:00

Today

I'm sleepy.
I've no mood to post today.
Today Leslie asked me go lan.
Today was boring.
Today Leslie talked to me about Zhiwei.
Today i went home alone.
Today i went "marketing"
Today i messaged charmaine and she's not replying me after "school"
Today is just...
Today is ending.

I wish today could turn its self around and maybe i could have a better day.
Today sucked actually.
Today i wished that i just slept it away.
Today Is just another day that i've to get over.

Blurred

2008-09-10T10:48:00.002+08:00

Wednesday , September 10 , 2008
Blurred

SOMEONE OWE'S ME A TAG.
But that someone probably wont read my blog anymore
HAHA!
Sorry about yesterday too.
Just that night time is a really reflective time for me whether i want it or not.
I've had so many callings.
So many things that has happened in my life.
The "lessons" and the syn in my feeling with god and stuff.
But as it went on its not i dont wanna believe its too much.
Hopefully i know what i'm doing.

Slept at 4.3x + dont remember or later.
Woke up to leslies call.
Now i need prepare go out play lan?
Zzzz never mind today last day.

Lalala i'm just a fickle minded person.
Sleeepppyyy
Hungry too i dont know what i going to do today.
Slack slack ^^

Fun

2008-09-09T23:07:00.002+08:00

Fun~

Today work was extremly boring i did only like 6 orders on my own?
ROFL the others did the rest.
Than my kitchen MANAGER BEST.
His friends came.
Than i took charge?
And i'm not the most senior lo
ROFL .
So funny xD
Anyways i did my part and instructed the rest what to do
So fun la!

Hilda said i was hyper HAHAHAHAHAHA
xD today soo funny.
Hilda and Charmaine both made me laugh like mad.
But seriously CHARMAINE YOU'RE HILLARIOUS xD
hahahahaahahaa =x

Ai ya either way today was a fantastic day thanks to 2 people.
Thank you girls x]]
BIG SMILY FACE!! :)))))))
HAHAHA crazie me x]] i know.

2008-09-09T14:27:00.003+08:00

History

Its like i got bored.
And as usual i'm stoning.
Seriously la.
Why am i always being Contradicted or misunderstood.
Am i that complicated?
Or is it just me?

Hiaz cant be bothered.
And someone still does not keep her word.
And does not mean what she says.
If she ever reads this she did probably know herself?
And once again i've to say this la.
I'm also quite alike! I CANT HELP MYSELF AT TIMEs?
But its just so influential?
I got bored okay?
And the thing that really pisses me off is that whatever she's said is everything that i've done.
I salvaged , i tried , i pushed for happiness our happiness. -.-
Unfortunately you dint feel that way or do the same.
Selfish but true.
Reflect? About what? How do you reflect?
Look at yourself or those around you? Your actions? Your thoughts? Your influences?
Your friends?Your pride?.
Basically when it comes to me i just go i'm sorry for everything because if it has me involved in it and its made someone sad,disappointed or anything bad.
I'm at fault already.
And i'll do my best never to make that person sad again.
But sometimes WHY CANT YOU JUST OPEN YOUR EYES BIGGER AND SEE.
Its is around you. THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO WILL LOVE YOU INSIDE AND OUT.
But you just cant find them SO STOP PLEASE STOP SAYING IT DOES NOT EXIST.
And stop being so straight in your thoughts ITS NOT JUST ME.
EVEN YOUR "FRIENDS' THINK THE SAME. Actually "they" told me.
AND I AGREE.
But its over.'
I was listening to Chris Daughtery "over you."
The song i used to "get over my ex"
And its really really saddening.

Dont judge people, Dont LOOK at them like that.
Because we're all NOT the same so how can you say that we're
Dam these people. Those who corrupt our system
Those who hurt others.
I seriously hate those people.
Maybe "you" too.After all this shit.
What are friends?
How to be a good friend?
What are real friends and true friends?

Hold your pride.
And give in. Let go. And listen to people and change.
You dont have to understand now because in time you will.
People grow up.
They experience and they know.
Why wait till than?
Just do what you can.

I'm sorry for misunderstanding you LESLIE.
But you mix around this kinda fucked up people
i seriously will get seriously pissed offed really.
I've my limits too and he's crossing the line.
I'm not that tolerant anymore so TELL HIM TO PISS OFF.
And my account is for YOU AND ME.
If he wants to play?
tell him to F-OFF.
Got his own char still wan play others people put their effort and time into training.
He still wan come f- around?
I'm not like his best friend or something k?
I wont even consider him a friend.
He's just a "PLAY MATE"
Maybe you are too? I dont know cas i seriously dont care.

Thanks for helping me and my ex in our starts.
But i'm glad its over anyways.
But you had your intentions too.
So i've nothing to say about that if you were really my friend.
Life..has so much to offer.
But people make things so limited.

I'm ON the edge.

Irritated

2008-09-09T10:47:00.004+08:00

Tuesday , September 09 , 2008
Irritated?

Wait i'm always the one giving in the one thats being "friendly"
and "nice" so people always gan me and stuff.
And they just say 1 sorry and i laugh it off and i say i dont care.
So if i care about you while i'm pissed off and you scold me because of something you said and i just wanna ask and confirm and you call me to diam while i'm trying to co-ordinate things and make "ends" meet.
Its my fault now that i ignore you because thats not my "characteristics"?
And after all the good things i've done for you.
All the things i've DONE FOR YOU. And what have you like really "done" for me.
Dont care you la.
You can call me later and i'll decide if i want to pick ur fone call annot.
If i dont you can put the blame on me like everyone else who's "MY FRIEND"
And say its my petty-ness and consider if who is the really petty one.
And short tempered.to say a sorry or to just msg and tell me is so hard?
That i've to go find out myself.And still get scolded in the process.
I'm abit petty?Maybe

Hilda wants to give me something to say "farewell"
Maybe its because its not "farewell"?
Or maybe its just i still dont like accepting gifts from people?
If i do means its something really "not me"
But i like giving.
I remember jas gave me this "fruit keychain"
Returned it to her.
Dont remember anyone giving me anything lei.
And thats a good thing.
ARGHS "hate" "smart" people especially those who use my lines and copy what i say.

Slept at 9++ yesterday.
Woke at 12mn cas it was raining offed my screen saw the time.
Than i went back to sleep
Woken up by my alarm at 6+ or 7+ cas i saw my sister.
Than i went back to sleep.
Woke up at 10+ cas Hilda msged me and she's the only one worth replying.
And now i'm just slacking around watching TENNIS on youtube.

Hmmm she said something about my logic's.
But my logic's contradicts.
So what can you say about them because if you use one i can always contradict you back. xD
But i rather not if you're my FRIEND.
And just get "slightly" irritated and laugh it off with you.
But i'll still deliver my point across

Hiaz working at 6 today.
Hmmmm slack slack slack.
People are changing around me.

Sleepy

2008-09-08T20:34:00.003+08:00

Sleeepppyyy

Okay i thought my blog was wordy.
But NUKUN.
YOUR'S IS TERRIFIC!
its like totally 'BLANK'
But i've like errr 3-4 post a day? ROFL?
But once again its filled with crap.
hiiazz Today i walk to Dawson's NTUC to look for HILDA'S "CARROT CAKE"
white radish
But unfortunately i dont know where to buy those "cooked/Steamed" prepared carrot cake like instant carrot cake you just throw in the 'BIG WOK" and fry.
According to HILDA. xD
hahahahahahaha.
But i know how to do it from scratch but its a long and tedious process but its fruits of your own labour so you really taste how its made and your own personal ingredients and you know what you throw in and stuff.
Than forget it i walk go back MRT station and went to my work place.
OMG LA I SLACKED THERE FOR LIKE ALMOST 5-6 HOURS?
Bored like sheet.
realised i was super tired. than i remembered i only had like 2 PROPER hours of sleep
Omg i'm really un healthy now.
My face is dry.
I'm feeling super dry
I'm falling sick easily? MAYBE?
wadeva.
Than i pei Jeroen go eat.
Talked abit about certain things
To believe or not to believe.
To believe but not to go 100%
Because you can believe but sometimes life is just not the same as whats that's said.

Than they all ask me
and charmaine too.
If you like that person go for it.
What are you holding back for?
If you let the chance go you might never have it again.
But the person i like is just someone i need to give time to settle down 1st.
Of course its my own opinion.

I need to wait.
Just awhile more...
I'm officially getting off NYDC already.
shit and i've not settled down with my 2nd job yet.
Dammit.
okay i'll definately need alot of gel or wax.
I've counted
If i work every morning at 7-5 thats 10 hours 60 dollars + if i work NYDC night time 6-1030 or -12 thats 5x4.5 / 6 = 22.5 / 30
can earn about 80 a day?COOL YA?
80 X 25 - if i wanna rest or something
about
1.6k ++ OMGG xD
The though of it gets my excited le.
But i want a job with higher pay lei.
Zzzz i finding 7 an hour de.
Dedicated worker finding a STABLE JOB!
Anyone can intro ma?

I shall slack and go maple for now.
Dont know wan go lan or not.
I'm super exhausted

I realised that my house.
All the family photo's have been taken down.
Hmm maybe its really falling apart! x]
Am i supposed to be glad?
I dont know.
And my mom is like calling my "dad" by his name
And she still wants to bitch about me?
I'll give her a piece of my mind if she talks about family to me next time

A new day

2008-09-08T12:14:00.003+08:00

A new day!

Sometimes if you dont have a good book to read?
Find a good BLOG to read
hey i'm not saying mine is a good blog.
But i happened to come across a few RANDOM BLOGS.
Popping out occasionally with interesting topics.

Anyways i had a dream last night.
I dreamt of _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
And she was like telling me.
Lets get married.=S
OKAY THAT'S EXAGGERATION.
But than i rejected her and i told her i wont live that long.
Because i dint take care of myself.
And i'm not healthy and not able to look after her.
hiaz. so "man" right
ROFL
Even my dreams are so spastic.omg -.-
But if there really is a time like that what would i do?
Whats the best thing to do.

-Back to the dream
She said its alright i love you.
It does not matter - OMG I WISH THAT WOULD HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE.
Than she said
You love kids dont you?
Lets have a few.

HUH?!
DIAOS OKAY i shan't exaggerate about my dream anymore.
hahahaha but omg it was really worth laughing about when i woke up

Keep playing with the hamster.
My sister was so frantic about it when she woke up
OMG WHERES MY HAMSTER!!
geez and to think about it that was like 2 hours after i officially fell a-sleep and than I COULD NOT SLEEP AFTER THAT.
Got online wanted to blog but dint.
Watch bleach movie again.

-To continue what was left hanging long ago.

hiaz you know sometimes when you watch this kinda shows
and you learn different things
ITS LIKE IT CONTRADICTS.
As usual.

Char char.I'm a lost widdle boii xD
But sometimes i really do wonder.
We started off as an accident.
Than we became ENEMIES.
than now?
are we like good friends?
or BEST FRIENDS? or just
f.r.i.e.n.d.s?
Hmmm but i really find our encounter really funny and i seriously appreciate it.
You're the best friend i have x]
really.
Though sometimes you might be a pain in the ass.
But i believe i'm much worse xD
HAHAHAHAHAHHA =x
Yesterday i was re-emphasised about 1 thing.
Paul appreciate what you're.
Be grateful and thankful for what you have.
I'm trying and i hope i'll remember and do that.
every little small happy detail.
Put them all together and overwhelm your sadness.

-When i'm happy i become insensitive
I WISH I WAS INSENSITIVE
I WANNA BE HAPPYY
wHeheheee
God i sound like a psychopath
BUT I KNOW I'M STRAIGHT
x]
I going shopping now.
Than i've to go take my psp back.
hiaz i hope i can get what i need.
I'M LIMITED TO LIKE? 10 DOLLARS?

Haha till than.
have a great day everyone!

Knowledgeable?

2008-09-08T03:56:00.004+08:00

Monday , September 08 , 2008
Knowledgeable?

Okayy i'm still up
And Hilda sent me this message that shes _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Erms?
In what way does that concern me?
Lolz my kind of characteristics care meh?
I've someone on my mind.
Than i ask myself whats love.
What are friends.
Biang eh i'm confusing myself with alot of shit and crap.
Than she said another thing that i'm "knowledgeable"
What the geez~.
I'm so blur.
Probably now i'm sleepy and watching this "_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _" Anime.
Rofl.
Hiaz what eva la.
I just want to have a gf? ROFL

Rush Hour

2008-09-07T23:15:00.002+08:00

Rush HOUR

yay i spent an entire day stoning today.
Okay i played abit of MAPLE?
wtf right? ROFL how old liao still playing maple.
Zzz but thats the only "nice" game that this lousy computer can support.
So oh wells.
Made a m'sia friend.
She wants me to teach her english?
Zzz as if my english really that good.
Play play play.
6+ already o.0!
Bong called.
PAUL WHERE ARE YOU!!
errr?
At home?
YOU KNOW YOU WORKING TODAY ANNOT.
Huhsss? o.0??
LOL i dont know sia.
I tot i working tuesday, friday , sat only?
YOU WORKING 4 DAYS LA
Orrhhssss. Okay i come down now.
Than i went down to work.
Okay but i finished doing my PQ(party quest) 1st than i go.
Rofl.
Reach work at arnd 645
WALKED - Took my time sia rofl.
THAN
at work so SUPER BORING SIA.
nothing to do one lei.
Than that VIVIAN KEEP MOLESTING ME
omgggg.
Talked to Hilda today.
AND SHE HAVEN REPLY MY MSG YET
Dont careee~.
Really i cant be bothered.
But hey she's a great girl.

Yawnz. Wtf i'm bored.

ohh Hilda just replied me.
Rofl soo weird -.-

haha thanks, Mr psychologist:)
ROFL thats wad i wanna be when i grow up.
Cool~
K i dont wish to crap cas really i've nothing to say.
GIVE ME PROBLEMS. I'M BORED.
Let me solve them for you.

2008-09-07T12:20:00.002+08:00

Stone?

Good morning everyone?
AFTERNOON ALREADY LA.
Hehe soo bored.
T_T i'm still having flu.
Than again people say i've no "guts" to die.
Since i've nothing to live for since i've no meaning or will to live
Why dont die.
Probably because i've some answers i really want to know but its something that i cant get now.
I need more time.
Than again i always DO and MEAN what i say
But sometimes when i know whats right and wrong.
When the time comes and its not supposed to be that way.
I wont do it.
wadeva i'm just contradicting everything x]

Friends.
Friends can mold you and break you.
Friends can change you and destroy you.
Wait so now is it better to have friends or not?
Who are the good friends?
Roawr dont care its best to be ALONE =X

2008-09-07T01:40:00.002+08:00

Sunday , September 07 , 2008
I'm not alone!~

I stoned for like HOURS
Wheee.. x]
._. - Lamed xD
Never mind went to work.
I HAVE FLU AGAIN.
WTF.
Okay than i dint talk much.
Know someone new today.
Name Jill - AGE - cannot be MENTIONED.
She ownself tell me cannot tell de.
Than i know.
I'm not alone in this world.
Hey hey hey this is fun i'm like quitting and this kinda people's pop up in my life.
OMGGESS
Rofl whats this supposed to mean!
GOD WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL MEE.
Dont care i'm sick and i want to sleep.
For now i shall retire into bed!

POLLUTED

2008-09-06T10:54:00.003+08:00

Polluted.

Woke up due to some excessive playing of noise pollution in my house made by something called a piano and by the hands of someone who does not know how to play the piano well.
Sianzations.
As usual when this kinda things happen.
I CANT GO BACK TO SLEEP
DAmmit.
Dont feel that tired after all thats a good thing.
Still yawning though lolz.
I really want to know my next week's work scheduel.
Than i can make arrangements.
Hehe my hair so long hope i can make it into place so that can work hotel xD
Hiaz but now so stoned.
Yawnz.
I shall go slack.

2008-09-06T03:54:00.003+08:00

Diaos now what time liao i still not sleeping.
Rofl i was tired but i no mood sleep
Weather so nice its like raining.
Wind is strong.
Getting rheumatism
Waiting and hoping sylvie will be online
Watched my Naruto and my Bleach diamond dust movie x]
Eh it was not as good as i expected it to be.
Gets boring.
Maybe i have high expectations?
Hiaz than again i bring myself back to the relationship problem.
Even if i'm going to do all these is she going to appreciate?
Is she going to accept?
Is she going to be the one?
She might be the one for me
But am i the one for her?
hiaz. Shit la T_T emo, Emo.

Cant stop thinking about some shit man.
Seriously.
NYDC. What am i doing ...
Its just a place to get over my ex.
Responsibility?Sense of belonging?Friends?Or what i need and want.

I dont wish to shrink responsibility.
But i wish to run away.
But everywhere i go i know i wont be able to run far.
In Singapore where can you possibly go?
Everywhere you go you're bond to go past somewhere you've been b4 or memories
I'm so tired i'm tearing -.-
Sometimes they ask me to touch my heart and ask myself.
I know what i might want.
But is it the right decision.
Is what i really want the right thing to do.
I dont want to make another mistake.
I'm not willing to go through all this pain for another painstakingly wrong action or just a moment of folly.
Than again whats is it that's RIGHT TO DO.
Whats not a mistake.
What is it that wont hurt or is definitely right.
Even following the book 100% is not going to mean whatever you do is always right.
So whats the right thing to do if you're looking for love.
Finding it is more like it.
Where to look.
How to find.
Where is it really?
What is everyone looking for or needs now.
Should i really not do anything?
So many things hidden behind the scenes.
So many things to be uncovered.
I seriously hate this.
To know and not knowing
I hate them both.
I'll go sleep now.
The rain is coming down...

Pitt-er patter.
Hope it can drown my sorrow and sadness and fears.
Probably best thing would be my memories and
me.

the will and want to love

2008-09-06T01:51:00.002+08:00

The will and want to Love.

Went to shower.
Than here i am out from it.
Was thinking about Jeroen.
He's the best la.
Ta Shi Zui Hao de.
I wish that i could be that person.
A person like her bf.
A person who can make his gf feel so loved and safe.
Even w/o him being around.
Comforting that girl he loves so dearly as well.
Than Jeroen look up at me.
Cannot imagine _ _ _ _ _ _ _ looking up at me with those eyes.
OMGGG =x
But i'll feel very blessed if that really happens to me.
To know,To have,To love,To feel,To give and to protect those important and dear to you.
I'm sorry for all the pain i've cost so many people.
But sometimes i just cant bring joy.
If i cant bring joy i rather not be there than be an extra.

cant wait to buy my new bicycle and new pair of shoes.
xD
I wonder if someone will still read my blog.
I dont have anything to hide.
I dont have anywhere really to run.
Singapore is so small
No matter where i go i reap up ton's of memories.
Well almost..
I just..
Want to love.
I want to give.
To accept is another thing all together.
I want to have a meaning.
To have a reason and a will.
hiaz. But having nothing to protect and look forward to is like wasting time.
Wasting life away.
And i seriously dont like that thought...

Dar dar.
i miss you.
-Words spoken.
Words said
Words said w/o truth and real feelings.
To say these and still dare to say others.
You jolly know what you want b4 you screw others life up.

I really want to know whats the feeling like of being shot and stabbed.
Probably just the feeling of warm blood flowing out and just hearing that buzzing sound in my hears and vision blur.
and just go.
But i've somethings i want to do b4 i die.
And maybe i should write a will~
Hmmm till than ba.
Another time.
I've so few things to really want.
And its nothing materialistic .

Work.

2008-09-06T01:10:00.003+08:00

Saturday , September 06 , 2008
Work

Today go work
Nothing out of the extraordinary.
Glad i dint have to work with daniel senior
But it was quite haywire.
And people dont know how to control the orders.
But hey hey we made it.
It was quite fun and stressless really.
Today quite a few people Emo-ed.
DOnt know why.
Jeroen, Shikin.(probably me as well)Oh wells i always emo so what can i say.
LOLZ.
Than winnie came.
Oh and Jaslyn is as normal.
Only winnie Whats "wrong" with her why she wanna ignore me?
Bong said dont think so much.
So i wont.
Hehz. I dont really care though because when i tell myself.
Yes she's cute shes really someone worth considering and loving and probably try for.
Deep in i know who i really want and wanna be with
Therefore i can reconfig my thinking.
I'm just gonna say sorry for all the foolishness
And all this stupidity.
What am i going to do..
I'm just soo sad and confused.
I dont want to carry this shit on.

What am i going to do...

2008-09-05T17:15:00.002+08:00

What am i going to do...

Woke up today.

At around 12 noon.
Than i slack around as in STONE.
Keep pondering about what i'm going to do today.
Played MAPLE omgg..
Than i talked to charmaine, Jasmine , Victoria.
Hope sylvie will be online
I really want to talk to her about some stuff.
Hiaz.
Keep thinking about tonight who will be working.
But its like i dont want to go.
But its my responsibiltiy right?
Pan Pacific called me to work tomorrow at 5-11 Hiaz. If i go i can start working pan pacific next week onwards.
Zzzz...
Decisions...
hiazz. I'm just so stoned.
I really dont know what to do already.
Going to work now.Will post later and be online than~
after 12.

Splurge

2008-09-04T23:20:00.002+08:00

Friday , September 05 , 2008
SPLURGE

Today was woken up by LEONA.
Great wake me up.
Than i wan go back sleep.
No mood liao
PERFECT WHAT A GREAT WAY TO START MY DAY!
(not).
Slacked around.Go to nukun's blog.
Went to read my own blog.
Watched bleach.Talked to Nukun.
And i was LATE TO MEET LEONA ALREADY.
Hehehehe =xx
Okay shhh shes not supposed to know i was late cas i told her i would wait for her.
Than i Took bus 145.
Shit man i alighted 1 stop earlier.
Never mind walk walk 5 mins. Reach liao meet her and her friend.
Wah lau eh they dam psyco sia.
Laugh and laugh one.
I also bei tahan just giggle and laugh.
Say go Tiong watch movie.
Than after that say go greatworld-Plaza? i dont know
I 1st time go sia!
Hahaha dint even know that place existed
Eh quite a nice place sia.
Than got 2 tickets for Make it happen.
8.50 each. I treat - > 17 dollars.
No problem la.
Than after that we go eat jap food.
Spend 40 dollars there
Okayyy.
Than "chiong" up catch our movie.
V good lo
Go in liao still showing advertisment.
1 MORE THING THAT SHOW SUCKS ITS TOTALLY BORING.

- Than we had the whole last row to ourselves la.
OMG ALL COUPLE SEATS LA!
Sheet them man
WE'RE FRIENDS.
F.R.I.E.N.D.S
Okay never mind
Than so cool la
All the handles can life up de.
Den we both made "beds" there and watched our show.
Biang eh She dam what lo Keep put her feet at my face
Biang LO.

- Few things i've managed to "find out" from the show.(Moral?)
To continue in agony or because of a reason or responsibility because you're Fated or Responsible of something*(maybe a mistake in the past)
But are you going to give up your dreams and just sit in them?
Or are you going to make a move and live them?
Hey whats more important?
Responsibility?Goals?Fate?Dreams?Or just following the wind or what people say?
What are you going to do with this 1 life that you're living in everyday?
In pain or agony?Happiness and joy?Depressed and regretful?
Or just people say?
Live life. Live it to the fullest! Dont live in regret or that will hold you back.
Who gives a shit about what others think
People come and go in our lives. Its like that.
The past is something thats happening now because everything you're reading now is already in the past because that second has already passed and you'll never get it back.
Thats the past. HISTORY. GONE. NEVER GONNA GET IT BACK!.Dont get depressed over it =x.
Believe in yourself.Because you're who you are.
Even if you're borned ugly.
Even if you're disabled and freaking retarded or just a person who'se not accepted by society because of your illness and what you're "fated" with.
Take it as your strong point and your weak point.
Some people strongest "strenght" is also their biggest weakness.
So dont be afraid. Dont hide because you're who you are.
Make things happen.
Because if you're not going to do that now.
You might not get that 2nd chance in another second's time.
Are you willing to give it up?
Every step you take could be another mistake.
But sometimes you should make that mistake than not make any and stop progressing in life.
Because somethings cant be reschedueled.
Not for me Not for you.
As time waits for nobody.
-End.

Okay thats all i extracted SOO MEANINGFUL RIGHT.
Hehe .
Stupid 1 more thing LEONA SEE I SOO GOOD OFFER YOU MY JACKET LEI.
hahahahahahaha =x
Than i went to dobhy to find leslie .
Than he got problem with ming hui
than ming hui call me and ask me for "help"
Than i go see leslie at lan
Like nothing happen sia
Who caress lalalalala.
Today play a few games of dota.
Shit la boring sia.
Okay no more lan.
FOR SURE THIS TIME =X
I hope i can stick to my words.
Hehe.
Talked to charmaine. Who'se not in the best mood.
But hey she's agreed to go out with me? LIke after O levels?
I've like things all planned out?
zzz! SOUNDS SO WRONG
ROFL.
Talked to Jeroen about certain things.
Hey i dont really care much about anything anymore. I've already solidfied my heart and got my mind restarted.
But i'll keep to my words.
Even if i do regret them
I'll do what i say.
"A man should do what he say's."
WTF hehe x]
okay la i dont wanna post already so LONGG even i type tired =x

For now Take care everyone~

hehe =x

2008-09-03T21:09:00.003+08:00

Hehe Contradiction.

Once again here i am contradicting myself.
I said how can i find the right person if i dont do anything.
But if "fate" is like dat
Than i'll have to live with it.
But today my cousin said this.
Wait for the right one.
Find the right one.
Just one ONE ONLY.
Just one will do.
You dont have to find so many.
Try so many just to get to the right one.
But what would you do
If you know who is the right one.
But you feel its not time yet.
What are you going to do?
But for now?
Staying single is good x]
ITS ECONOMICAL!

Who said a guy cant cry.
Who said man cant cry.
Whats more important once again.
Listen to your heart?
Listen to your mind?
Or what you want is what that makes you do it.

Hiaz.
Theres nothing wrong with being emotional.
Theres nothing wrong with thinking so much.
These are just gifts to help you get along with life.
And these are the things that make life..
Different?
Wonderful?
painful...
An unwanted gift?
Or one that people wont understand.
Being there for those who need you..

Passionate.Loving.
EMOTIONS! Enjoy them
W/o sadness whats happiness.
W/o being broke whats money?
W/o being failure whats sucess?
W/o etc what would be etc?
LOLZ
Apperciate apperciate..

-PS I'VE LAG TIME.

-Posted at 11.22pm
Sylvie you were right about 1 thing..
People do read my blog.
OH MY GOD.
And the person(S) who are not supposed to read my blog
ARE reading it.

Sianzation

2008-09-03T19:23:00.000+08:00

Wednesday , September 03 , 2008
Sianzation.

Today woke up because of leslie again.
WTF LA keep messaging me talk about his stupid maple.
Rich la buy so many maple prepaid cards
Whatever la
You want waste money still wan tell me.
As if i care
ROFL.
Than i went out with Christina to work out at gym.
Went to JP .
Reconsilled some memories.
Bought a set of new headsets.
Went to her friends house.
Than walk go Stadium.
Drizzling.
So we went to gym straight.
I ran 2.4. Took 13 mins?
WTF?
I went at like 12 km/h
But slacked for awhile.
Than i cycled while the girls went to this "ladies" corner.
Hiaz.
Cycled 8km.
I stand i walk "sang nat"
Than i rest a while try some upper body exercise.
Bui Tah Han sia.
I go Run again
Rofl today my leg dam solid sia.
Lucky never crap or give way.
Heng ^^.
Bathed there.
Went to JP alone after that ALONE.
Slacked at the arcade.
JP has changed like 15%?
Since i last went.

Than i went to find my cousin at westmall.
Supposed to watch movie
But in the end we ate at swensens
Stupid sia.
Waste time and money.
Than buy sweets for my grandma.
And went home.

Hiaz. I've nothing to say.
DOnt know what to do now.
Sian.

Sadness

2008-09-02T20:08:00.002+08:00

Sadness

They say its hard to find true love.
They say you should treasure what you have.
But the thing is that.
If you have more than what you need.
You dont treasure what you have?
I'm being avoided.
So be it.I'll avoid as well.
Lets not make life hard for each other.
If thats what you want.
Than thats what i'll do as well.

Went to work.
Went to pick my god daughter and son up.
And serena's dad sent us "back"
Because it was raining.
Hiaz.
I wanna sleep liao la.
Thanks to those that wanna help but i prefer enduring the pain alone than getting others involved.

Darnit.
I'm getting overly "high"
I'm probably just like a bottle thats shaken up fizzing already gonna pop.
But trying to keep myself under control and my insides out.
I wanna just give up at times.

Probably i should just self humor myself.
HAHA. =x

I'm sad

Should I?

2008-09-02T10:35:00.002+08:00

Should I ?

Slept.Woke up to leslie's msg.
Dint bother replying.
Woke up to serena's msg.
Replied abit here and there.
She said i was working today.
Oh wtf. I dont wanna work lo.
W/e.
Now i gg to prepare.
I hope i know what i doing or wanna do.
Hiaz.
Emotions are humans biggest weakness.
Biggest "weakness"
Emotionless people
Lets not get there.
Did some research of someone.
And winnie is not replying me.
Okay thats it i dont care already.

Stress and depression.
One can lead to another.
But they are different things.
Depression is sadness.
Stress is tension.

I'm only feeling empty and sad
Is that depression or sadness?
I've ways to do things.
But somehow i wish i dont do anything.
A passionate person.
Which is kept behind bars.

cant talk liao got to go work.

Last night

2008-09-02T10:30:00.000+08:00

Last night.

Talked to sylvie .
Hey hey hey.
whats wrong whats right
whats true whats false.
Hiaz talk talk talk and as i said in previous tags.
It still comes down to the indiviual.
How strong you are.
How much you can persist and endure.
Self confidence and trust.
How much you believe in yourself and your actions.
Will what others say get to you and affect you?
Questionable but true.

To do or not to do.
To want or not to want.
To have or not to have.
Desires , Wants , Needs
I want love.
I desire it.
But do i really need it?
Really?
I dont.
I just need to self boost myself.

Questionable again but its true.
If we were stronger humans
We wont need love.
We wont need someone there for us.
We would be self reliant.
Self independent
But we're not strong.
"WE WERE MADE FLAWED"

Than again.
I ask myself.
Jasyln should i ask you to be my gf?
Would i regret it?
Would we match?
Would we try something that might be Impossible?
Might it be something that could be something so big?
Whats really going on.
I really dont know
I'm tired.
I wanna dream.
If i could i never want to wake up again.

pATHETIc

2008-09-02T00:13:00.002+08:00

Tuesday , September 02 , 2008

Pathetic.

I had a dream
I dreamt i called my ex.
I heard her voice.
And i hug up.
But in my dream i dont remember dialling her number
But i still remember her number and i think i still have it.
Lazy to check but i'm sure i still have it.
Hmmm its kinda scary to hear such a thing.
OMGG scarryy -.-
Today was another scenario
I had a mind and body concept and a "diversion" that i dint know what i was doing.
Oh my god what am i saying or doing.
I felt so energy less
But yet my body was moving so fast ? EHHH ??
Sheesh does not make sense anyways.
Geezz~.
Than again i messaged winnie.
called her
All no reply.
Ehh i'm starting to feel uneasy and cocky.
Talked to my "god sis" today.
Jeroen.
Cas if "serena's my mummy" den she's my sister.
Wells i actually dont acknowledge them but oh wells going with the flow?
I dont really care none the less and either way i just cant be bothered.
Waiting for sylvie to come online where is she sia.
Probably eating dinner.
Hiazz.
Anyways. Today i slept wake up slept again woke up
Slacked around and went to play at lan.
Geeezz i'm wasting my time and life away.
Hiazz but i really dont care and cant be bothered none the less really.
I'm supposed to know what to do.
Know what i want to do.
But i'm lost.
I'm going to find another job like soon .
Maybe i'll go find tml
but for now.
I just wanna resettle my heart.
Why is it always broken.
I dont think i'm desperate right?
I just..
Wanna hold someone.
wanna make someone happy.
Want some real love.
People might not understand what real love is.
Speaking to them sometimes they think i'm to young or something.
But hey please.
How much time do we really have?
Hiaz. its just gets depressing if i continue.
I really dont wish to continue.
I'll end her for now.
Sylvie is back
Take care everyone.
If you're depressed you can find me to talk.
I did gladly share your burden or help you out.
But if you want to share mine or help me?
I hope you're ready for things i've to say.
Or rather please have answers.
hahahas.. Pessimistic.
-Laterz

Guts?

2008-09-01T01:19:00.002+08:00

Monday , September 01 , 2008
Guts?
The year is drawing to an end. Closer and closer.
Hopefully it'll be better
.

I finished playing my Final fantasy crisis core.
Charmaine msged me quite abit.
Heys its very encouraging k?
If you have a chance take it
Why leave that chance out for grabs when you can have it.
And 1st hand too?
Since its a 'New' Day i've decided to make a post dedicated to myself ba.
Paul what are you doing?
Just tell her again and ask her out maybe?
And if she says no.
Than by all means...
No means no.
Charmaine.
If i were to ask you instead of her i wonder what would my life be like?
I seriously dont know how to decide anymore.
Because i saw this TV ad about this show LEAP YEARS.
The show i watched with my ex.
The Love show.
I'm so depressed la.
But hey depression...
I saw this note on my friends msn nick - Yileen~ dont mind i extract k? xD
Being defeated is a temporary condition.Giving up is what that makes it permanent.
No matter what try.Strive for what you want.
Than maybe you might have a chance.
Even the slightest shimmer of hope.
The impossible might happen and can happen.
Patience,Persuasion,Guidance,Time,Care,Concern,Sacrifices..

Winnie said she trust me.
She does not even know me well actually?
What can i really say.
Actually
I'm feeling so stupid.
But sometimes i wish..
I wish...that things could be easier?
My "fortune" said that my life is a hard one.
But is it really going to be that way?
Come on buck up. Try harder. Why are you letting this 1 person get to you?
Hey please some people are still immature.
SO they cant see and understand.
But in time they might and will?
Hopefully.
But will it be too late by than?
I seriously hope not.
Because i want to make a difference in peoples life.
I want someone here with me.
I want to be there with someone that they can trust 100% and rely on.
Make me feel worth living.
Life is very contradicting..
My life are filled with so many questions.
And - side answers.
Some maybe i dont want to accept.
Some i'm just pushing aside because i fear the worse.
Some i just keep in thought.

Watched my final fantasy game.
People live People die.
We follow the cycle of life.
So within this life.
This years of living.
What is it that you're doing to make it worth it?
What are you contributing to this earth?

But fear overwhelms.
Fear is something that needs to be concerned.
Words and saying things are easier said than done.
Come on buck up.
I need to make a poster to tell me to FEAR LESS.
Things aside for now.
I just want to probably ask Jas out.
Winnie i might need some help.
Support me?Or just watch?Hiaz.

2008-08-31T21:28:00.001+08:00

Today went photo taking.
Today i was totally extra-ed
Today i dont feel like blogging.
Today i shall end here.
Today was a horrible day.

2008-08-31T03:31:00.002+08:00

Sunday , August 31 , 2008
sLEEPY

Somehow i just feel restless.
So slack, sleepy.
No energy yet i wanna just let myself go crazy.
But my body and mind are both weak and tired.
I'm removing her from my mind bit by bit.
Time is passing slowly.
Feel like asking her..
Feel like doing something.
Sometimes i just wanna hug her and say I like you.
But when i look into those eyes.
Just those eyes that dont wanna look into mine as well.
What is it thats really going on and happening?
Maybe i should tell her?
Hiaz i feel so broken la.
Pauline told me to just jio her.
Hiaz if it was that easy.
I wish.
I just msged winnie, I hope she replies.
Charmaineeeee.. Helpp meee
Jeremy talk to me lei.
I ned company.
I need help and advice.
I'm super annoyed with so many things right now
Basically myself.
I dont blame anyone.
Its just me and my freaking stupid mindsets and concepts and logics.
Shit man.

Courage

2008-08-30T15:46:00.003+08:00

Courage?

Read my horoscope today.
It said i should make a move.
Ehhh but i scared lei.
Oh ya that means i haven read her's yet.
But i'm interested to now la.
Than again just thinking about certain stuff.
Theres nothing much to say lo.
Whats there to say in the 1st place.
Today this morning was waken up by a message.
WHEN ARE YOU WORKINNG I WANNA EAT FRENCH FRIESS.
-.-
You think what i provide food one ah?
Sorry hor.
But i'll consider i'll do what i can.
To see someone smile.
Jaslyn's not working today if i'm not wrong
I'm supposed to be going to heren to see the new outlet and eat.
But than again~.
Maybe i wont today.
Tomorrow i off.
Probably go there alone maybe i invite someone go with me.
Hmmm~ Who sia =/
Lets try x]]
Okayy i just spammed 5 people with a message who wanna go out with me.
I bet i wont really get a positive or satisfying reply.
So i'm ready to go by myself anyways.

Why do i fear.What do i really have to lose.
I'm leaving anyways.
Everything can be erased.
This tiny existance..
Time to make a move.
I've got things to ponder about.
And whats the point of doing anything jaslyn also not working today.
Eyes of doubt.
Eyes of uncertainty.
Eyes which speak how you feel.
Body actions and movements , Restlessness.
Courage to show.Thoughts to think.
Feelings to feel.

I shall go check out some stuff for now.
laterz~

HIaz.

2008-08-30T03:08:00.002+08:00

Saturday , August 30 , 2008

Dam Screwed up lo today.(yesterday)
I sleep wake up slack around use computer i blogged about yesterday.
Dreamt about stuff den go work slack around eat maggie etc blah blah.
Den i handed in my resignation letter for real.
Hiaz i dont wish to say anything more about that.
Looked at jaslyn for real this time.
Hey what are you trying to prove lo.
Okay la i dont care what you have to say or what you're trying to prove la.
But i just wanna say that. No matter what it is.
Hope you're happy the way you're living your life.
I'm on the verge of giving up. Than again i've received another "motivation"

-Invite others towards good with wisdom. Live life with no excuse and love with no regrets. When life gives you a 100 reasons to cry, show life that you have 1000 reasons to smile. Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear. Keep the faith and drop the fear

Drop the fear.Handle with confidence.

Great men say, 'Life has to be an incessant process of repair and reconstruction, of discarding evil and developing goodness. In the journey of life, if you want to travel without fear, you must have the ticket of a good conscience.'

Even if i had a good consience. Would it make everyone look at me that i'm really worth it?
I dont think so.
Time and again i've tried.
Rejected and ignored.
Trampled upon at times.
But still i pick myself up.
Hard to cope with life and stuff.
Looking for someone to understand and talk to.
Someone with a high level of trust and "understanding" with solutions.
Jeremy where are you.
But all he said was.
Why are you hesitating.
She's the one.
Wait i know you dont mind bad girls okay but please i mind. =X
Hey but shes not that bad -.-
She's changed?
I dont know. What am i afraid to try?
Is time really a factor?
Dont emo.
Hey you knew it would happen or is it just something you're saying to comfort me
Sheesh soo many things to think about and opinions.
Today Hilda was like not going to accept serena's offer - treat.
But i talked her into accepting.
Psychological trick.
Use your eyes.
Use your mind.
Use your heart.
What is love i was asked.
Dont ask me..
Because my love is different. Maybe from yours?
Maybe its the same.
But whats the meaning of love in general?
Check dictionary lo.
I dont wish to check because humans are not the same.
Words are used for description.
But words used in different ways, tones can mean DIFFERENT THINGS.
SO which point are you taking in?
Which is the REAL point thats being getting across?
Are you mis understanding the situation?

Anyways..Jaslyn LOOK AT ME 1 MORE TIME.
Is there any hope?
Are there any feelings?
I like you. But i'm afraid.
Saying it here. If you read it good or bad i dont know.
But i've nothing to hide.
Nothing to lose, Nothing ventured nothing gained.
Its not complicated.
Its just a slight necessity of sense and logic placed into it.

Face reality.
No one can protect you all the time and forever.
Loving someone.
Protecting, Sacrificing, Giving, Loving...
Is what i wanna do.
Its what i wanna do for you.
Let me make my life worth living.
Make my earnings worth giving.
Make my time and self worth sacrificing.
My strength and knowledge worth protecting you.

Rejection and failure is already part of my life.
Accept the facts.
Accept failure and dont make the same mistakes.

Falling in love can be the most blissful thing.
But yet the most dreadful and painful thing ever
What is it that we yearn?
What is it that we want.
The protection?
The company?
The trust?
Or probably just THE LUST.

You decide ba.
I'm open to opinions.
I'm open to various answers.
But i'll never change the way i am.
The way i want to be.
But if its for the better?
I'll definitely strive for it.

After i bathe and watch my anime maybe i'll blog what happened.
But if i dont i'll blog when i wake up.
Till than.
I'll keep you in my memories and heart and dream.
If dreams were that wonderful i did never want to wake up.
But i'm haunted with nightmares.
So I would rather wake up and try.

Today

2008-08-29T04:12:00.005+08:00

Friday , August 29 , 2008
Today

Today i worked full
P.S IT WAS YESTERDAY.
Just reached home.
Rather quite awhile ago. Watch my anime den come blog.
xD Cant "hold" my excitement while wanting to do something.
"Today" go work i handle orders and alot of other things cas Jessica was there.
Than Bong today super funny la he cock up so many times.
ROFL "karma" soo cute and entertaining la made me laugh like mad.
Than at night was quite enjoyable.
I did ALL ORDERS.
Cas Bong tired ma.
So i decided to HELP BY TAKING IN ALL THE ORDERS.
And sending them out SYSTEMATICALLY AND ORDERLY.
Than today tio gan for not wearing hair net and alot of other things on my mind.

I wanna quit NY le.
I seriously wanna quit.
Today i went to boon lay to eat supper.
Saw jurong point.
While going home.
Passed by Bukitbatok and gombak.
I shedded 2 or 3 tears.
And promised myself i will forget about my ex for real.
No more misery.
Its time to move on.
No more lies to cover the truth.
I'm running away from reality but not hiding from it.
Facing it from a distance and trying to be what i really can.

I fed jaslyn today.
WHAT IS SHE THINKING LARRHS.
=/
I like her.
Really. But sometimes... She really just i dont knoww.
What am i supposed to say or do.
I just want someone to hug and hold.

I'm super emo.

-2 days ago i saw JJC students at Queenstown.
Now i remember..
BUt i'm gonnaa forrgettt LALALLALALAL.
TML aka today working at 6PM hehehehe time to PLAY AROUND
Nothing but pure memories.

-POsted at 2.55 PM.
Today i dreamt about a few things 1 "i dreamt of _ _ _ _ _ _ den i dreamt i held her hand while walking her to the bus stop.
Heheh =x omggggess felt so real la.
But somehow it felt as if i holding my ex hand- Memories*
Than i wanna post about yesterday more clearly.
After "work" moody den i sit outside with bong.
Den i go find serena den i scared her.
ROFL soo funny la.
she scream sia.
Den i lend jaslyn my psp and ate my booboo~
Den shared with the piggy beside me.
-JEROEN!(: I LOVES YOU! says:
dun pai seh lah aiyO
-JEROEN!(: I LOVES YOU! says:
gOod wat yOur wish right?

But whats my wish..
WHat is it i really want?
I dont wanna do anything la.
I just wanna enjoy looking and watching people being happy.
Though i just wanna hug her =/

Than after that the gang went off.
Oh and Ken is together with Felicia
Hiaz i dont know what to say about that la.
Sure tio fk de LOL =x

Den i walked jaslyn to the bus stop.
Hiazz..
Sent her off den i went to find the gang.
Nearly kana bang sia.
Sometimes i wish i would just die.

Slacked with them den go bukit merah den go to bongs house there.
THats when we went to boonlay area.
THan i saw jurong point etc.
Become totally pissed thats the place i spent alot of time waiting for the person who treated me like dirt.
Oh wells its sacrifice for some things learnt.
But if you ask me if i would do that again?
FOr my gf?
I would do that.
I believe that i would find love just that sometimes its not now.
Maybe never.
But at least if that happens. I'll be glad to know i did my best.
And gave my all.

Went supper-ing with them
A bowl of soup and 2 bowls of rice - xD
Dint talk alot just sat there and emo with the rest.
But they have someone already.
actually everyones making progress.
BUt i'm going to stay the way i am.
What is wrong with me?
Is this called staying the way i am?
Or afraid to move on.

PRobably i know the answer somewhere in my heart
BUt once again i dont wanna face reality.
Till i'm ready.. For sacrifice and rejection than i'll move on.
Because sometimes you'll never know if you dont try.

How many days have it been since than?
108 days.
Today is 29 august.
108 days ago means...
5th may.
Guess i'v to hold for another 3-5 weeks.

Recovered and EMO-Ing

2008-08-27T22:32:00.006+08:00

Recovered and EMO-ING

Today go work at 12.
Do order.
Sneeze.
After awhile i back to normal
LOL. 1 day recovery ^^
Imba body recovery rate.
cut mushrooms do orders.clean chicken.
forgot la
i did alot of shit today.
Than Kim came.
The auntie.

- Thoughts of the day.
Today kim came and talked about certain stuff. She said dont take things seriously.Probably thats the reason everything goes wrong. Why?Relationships only bring pain.Thats what she said.Like what the F- lo.Than what about now?Why do people want relationships? Lust? I'm not like that what.
-Than again. Winnies phrase came into my mind.
Not everyone is the same.Okay so if not everyone is the same. Why cant i find someone like me. OR someone whose different.In so many environments i've been to its mostly the same.Is it just my wishful thinking?Just thinking positive is not going to be good enough to successfully get someone through the day all the time. Because hope eventually wears off.Because sometimes you'll never find the answer to what you're looking for or want.Be satisfied with what you have?But if you dont have anything to begin with.Nothing to be satisfied with?Everyone wants to win.Everyone wants to have what they want.I'm giving in, I'm giving up but somehow its not appreciated.I'm not appreciated.Okay lo this is bullshit already lo.
So whats the right thing to do?WHATS WRONG AND RIGHT TO BEGIN WITH.
Whats the MEANING OF LOVE than?
WHATS YOUR MEANING OF LOVE WHEN YOU SAY IT TO YOUR SPOUSE.
-Everyone is different, Is what you want, Is love going to pull you through your hard times and miseries?Is someone ready to sacrifice?
Love.Anyone can say that word, Because its only a WORD. Speak with no action or meaning behind it and sometimes people will never know the difference because sometimes they dont see but they think of you as that person you describe yourself as.
Once again it comes down to more and more questions.More and more pain.
-Dont take anything seriously or you'll only hurt yourself.
So if you're in a relationship you should not be serious?
WTF?
I dont know le la.This world is becoming so F-ing selfish lo.
Not everyone. But most people.

- End.

-(added at 22.57)
So when you say i love you to your spouse your meaning of love means?I want you to be happy?Or i love you because "thats" the word to use?Imagine yourself saying i love you to your spouse but changing the word love into what you describe love as.AND THAT REPHRASE IT..
If it sounds wrong. Are you ready for a relationship?
WHATS A RELATIONSHIP THAN?
-PROBABLY I'M THE ONLY PERSON WHO FEELS THIS WAY.
because everyone else is taking it easy but i'm the only "serious" one?
(i'm an idiot)
Remembered my ex saying this line.
ANYONE CAN SAY IT, ITS ONLY A WORD.
Thats because she kept saying it. OVer and over again.
Whats YOUR MEANING OF LOVE THAN.Stupid %^U&^* question

Than i went "grocery shopping" maggie mee and other stupid food stuff.
Hiaz somehow i dont wish to say anymore here la.
I'm f#$%&* pissed with alot of things and probably just totally emo-tic right now.
But i'm glad i can handle my "seniors" and the kitchen by myself now.
Hehe and give INSTRUCTIONS WITH "TRUST" AND ABIT OF "RANKING"

Jaslyn YOU'RE FREAKING BLIND OR IGNORANT LO.
Sometimes i just cant control my emotions -.-
SHE SAID
('.') JASLYN ('.') says:
shoo chim..

OH WHATEVAA
I rather go and sleep now.
Sometimes i wish i know whats the right thing to do

But the right thing to do sometimes.
Is do nothing.

sick

2008-08-27T10:30:00.002+08:00

Wednesday , August 27 , 2008

Sick

Was sick yesterday Sian lo.
Than i go home early.
Nothing much to say about yesterday.
But more about how i feel about everything thats happening around me.
Hiaz so much thats going on and i dont know what to say and do.
Everyone does not think the same.
Thats the "keyline" thats been going through my head.
But theres another thing thats been bothering me
Because.
Treat others how you wan others to treat you.
Soo many things so many "problems"
What should i do or what is the right thing to do.
I'm using my "familys" computer.
AND I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO.
K i shall end here.
Take care everyone~

Still have some signs of serious flu =/

Yawnz

2008-08-26T10:58:00.002+08:00

Yawnz

Sleeeepppyy.
Cant help it right? LOL
But i can do it!! MUAHAHHAHA.
Xfering data now.
Stupid computer larhs.
Hiazz.
At least i responsible wake up and prepare go work k?
I dont know what to post and say for now my mind is in a complete blank
I'll blog later or some other time.
Take carrreee~

yESTERDAY

2008-08-26T00:15:00.003+08:00

Tuesday , August 26 , 2008

Yesterday

Went to work for this FULL DAY.
So sian la.
Than sommore jaslyn today moody.
Than i help her stack chair everything .
Help her out la.
Den i talk to her like talk to wall.
jia lat lo i pek chek lo.
Hiaz.
Today got new supervisor also.
He's nice la.
Hiaz. After that i go lan.
She ask me go mac.
I refused?
HIAZ. WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING LA. SERIOUSLY?
I just no face see her la.
I want go back but my body say dont go back.
Hiaz somehow now i wished i returned.
Now at lan with 2 fucktards.
lalalalalala.
DOTA TIME. Buhbye people . take care.

-Living in a world of my own.

- anyone seen the article ?

GOVERMENT MATCHMAKER TARGETING JC STUDENTS

WTF MAN!! lol!! GOVERMENT IS SO DUMB AND DESPO AND STUPID LA.

And yes i'm critisizing the goverment because of how the settle crisis are totally dumb.

They're doing their part in a way but in another.

Its totally dumb la.

So much for freedom in our country.

Geez lo whats going on around us.

Everything is rising.

And other problems are being inflicted on people.

Come on la think b4 you make a decision lei.

2008-08-25T08:24:00.002+08:00

Monday , August 25 , 2008
Brokened.Time and again.

Could not sleep last night.
But managed to make myself turn in.
Dont know why am i blogging anyways.
Somethings i want to say now is restricted because of matters of the heart.
But what is it i'm hiding from.
hiaz so what if you like someone or afraid to say so.
Whats the real ideal meaning of love?
They say trust,forgivness,happiness.
Once again its down to so many meanings coming together.
But theres this thing thats called sacrifice.
Where's that word?
Why cant anyone do that?
Why people only care for themselves more even though they love each other?
Selfish world, Sweet people, Sometimes its like you really cant understand some stuff.
Even if you study it.
Work on it.Make it somethings just cant be understood.
The mysteries of life.
My computer harddisk too small.
Working 10.5 hrs or 9.5 hrs today.
Yay can see her today also . =x
XD
But somehow i still feel as though i'm betraying myself.
Betraying a promise i made.
Promises that never breaks.
But....What is it thats really called a promise?
Since those made to me have been brokened so many times and even turned against me.
Crap la i'm becoming more and more "open"
Sometimes its not i dont want to move on..
Its just that promises after promises.
Brokened one after another.
The only promises i cant break are those to myself.
But now its like breaking it.
But whats more important?
A promise or happiness.

Lets leave that topic for now ba..
Responsibility calls.

Free labour

2008-08-24T22:19:00.002+08:00

Free labour.

Hahahaha.
WACKO ME. xD
Today go work help out.
Made a few dishes.
AII YA NEXT TIME I SHOULD TAKE PHOTOS.
Darnnit.
Than its like nothing to do lo.
I slack around see what i can help i help than after that like 5 going 6 i tot i wan go hereen take a look at the new outlet.
But in the end they haven officially open yet.
Never mind lo someother time den i go.
Than just nice Jaslyn end work?
And nic dont want follow me go.
Hiaz. Den its like i slacked around NY.
Than i go toilet.
Handcap one inside got maintance.
So i go upstairs de.
Den see Jaslyn and Sharlyn.
LOL WTF?
Hahahaha den sharlyn waiting for her bf.
So "loving" sia -.-
Dont remember zhi wei clinging to me before.
Oh wells who cares.
Than in the end i pei Jaslyn walk 1 big round around bugis.
Than walk walk walk still walk all the way back to NY LOL
Geeezz~
Now waiting for Winnie to reply me.
Lalalalalala.
Today my fate super lousy sia.
The person who woke me up 2 times today.
Is JASLYN.
Told her yesterday i today off day liao this morning still msg me
Paul what time you working today.
ARRGGHHSS WAKE ME UP FROM MY BEAUTIFUL COLD WONDERFUL SLEEP.
What am i doing now i also dont know.
Tomorrow i working full.
YAY TOMORROW SOMEONE IS WORKING WITH ME hahahahah <33
But somehow i'm still hiding behind the wall.

Whats the real reason behind these secrets.
Its something i really want to know.

Offday

2008-08-24T13:54:00.002+08:00

Off day.

Strangely..
Whats responsibility.
What am i supposed to really do?
What am i responsible for?
Myself?
People always tell me there are always different views and styles to do things
Its not like i dont know.
We're all different maybe we might have the same passion,same name etc.
But its not the same.
What am i saying lols.
I just cant and dont want to try and accept the fact.
What am i really living for really..
Hiazz Today is going to be boringgg.
LETS GO WORK PLACE SLACK!
woohoo~
THOUGH I'M NOT WORKIN

2008-08-24T04:05:00.001+08:00

so many hidden meanings.
so many lies.
so many things that i'm unsure of.
Espicially when it comes to the matters of the heart.
hey man i've got alot of people supporting me
but is it what thats really needed or necessary?
It really comes down to both of us isin't it?
Hiazz for now?
I'll just take it easy.

misunderstandings

2008-08-24T03:52:00.003+08:00

Sunday , August 24 , 2008
misunderstandings

What to believe what to do what to listen to
So many misunderstandings going on around me
So many things happening.
What should i do
Which side should i take?
Or should i be netural as usual.
Wells usually i did take a side
Afterall its usual that people do take sides
I'm sleepy i'm turning in for now.
I'll blog later today or laters somewhere somehow somewhen.
Keep in touch.

WORK TODAY WAS CHAOTIC.
Thats all.

Split wills

2008-08-23T11:17:00.002+08:00

Split wills.

Today i woke up due to rain responsibility and physical will?
Wake up to close window cas my clothes hanging there.
Than i go back sleep.
Wake up because i want to change my psp games.
So i wake up again and settle my files.
And went back to sleep.
Somehow b4 my alarm rang i woke up again.
See the time.
ahhlaamak time to wake up la.
Hehe
Wowded.
Going to work today at 1-6 thann 7-12
10 hrs.
But i wanna reach by 12 xD
Lalalalala i shall start preparing

The confusion continues.

2008-08-23T02:09:00.003+08:00

Saturday , August 23 , 2008
The confusion continues.

Reality speaking what am i thinking.
Following my heart.
Following my brain.
Following the flow of the wind.
Somehow its blowing in all directions.
I went to work.
Super slack than i work work work.
Screwed around.
Hey tml onwards alot of ppl not around le.
Saddening but true.
I'll miss them but so what.
Than i'll be working kitchen alot.
I wish life would be better.
I miss her.
I want her somehow.
The feeling of ZW reminds me of alot of things.
I took cab home.
Remembered the time after the movie.
I just loved her crazy.
But shes not the one..
Shes just not the one.
Maybe this one is?
Maybe....
Should i tell her?
Should i give myself another chance?
Should i take things a step higher?
I dont know i'm kinda scared -.-
No harm trying they all say.
But i'm scared as usual.
Its so obvious as people say.
Its a psychological effect that i create.
But can you guys see what i'm trying to do?
REALLY SEE WHATS GOING ON?
I betchya dont.

How many days have it that we've been apart.
How many days have we spent together?
How many times have i said what i felt.
How many times did i fall.
How many times must i make a mistake to learn.
How many chances do i have to finally get the right answer.
Time is ticking.
I'm moving.
My heart is beating.
Blood is flowing.
Earth is spinning.
Water level is rising.
But i'm stuck in my stupid decisions and questions

HELP ME..

cONFUSED ONCE AGAIN

2008-08-22T12:34:00.002+08:00

Friday , August 22 , 2008
CONFUSED ONCE AGAIN.

Mixed up.Mixed feelings.
BASICALLY ITS CALLED CONFUSION LA.
What are you really thinking about...
-.-
I'm not going to guess but stop giving me false hope.
I'm really "DESPERATE" in a way but i wont allow myself to accept such an invitation.
If you really want something just ask or just tell me
I'll do what i can within my means anything else please just dont involve me can?
I dont care about your past.
I dont care about what you've done or did.
As long as you know what you want and know how you feel
Why are the others involved?
They can only influence you and say things.
Maybe physically force you into doing somethings but its not the same.
Being forced and having a choice.
If i had a choice i really just let it be.
I'll follow the wind..
Let it lead me and hopefully down the right path.
I'm confused and sad.
I'm sooo sianded.
I'm soo alone anyways.
No life.. i shall go slack around now.
Somehow its like being thrown around.
This stupid feeling of being trapped in something and yet escaping it halfway but being pulled back in by the person whose asking me to run out.
I'M running but my insides are full or doubt and probably will regret if i really do.
So stop mixing me up.
I just want to do something and not regret.
Don't mix me up with others.
I'm NOT THE SAME.

jigsaw

2008-08-21T23:22:00.003+08:00

Jigsaw

If you buy a jigsaw base on the picture you see on the box.
thats called the exterior.
But when you fix it you feel that you're challenged by the countless pieces of jigsaws.
And I GAVE UP FIXING IT.
But occasionally.
The puzzle is being fixed by someone else for me.(whether i want it or not)
Slowly i start to see that the picture i see is not as beautiful as i saw once before.
Maybe its because someone else fixed it?
OR maybe it was just what i saw b4 i fixed it.
Beautiful yet in so many pieces.
Can you fix something as beautiful back as this back together?
Can you cover the "scars" the "damage" done after "breaking the picture down"

Today i wake up chiong go find Serena and send her kids to childcare.
Than go work with her early.
Walked to suntec and back.
Than i started work.
Did quite a number of orders than i sliced tomatoes.
Than i did orders again.
Than i got misunderstood and scolded for nothing
laughed at for no apperant reason.
And than i was apologised to?
Eh i'm like a dam toy sia.
I'm patient.
I'm nice so you can just take advantage?
Probably i shouldnt say such a thing -.-
I'm just gonna take things easy.
Peeled alot of mushrooms.

Went to pick my godchildren up after work.
zomgg soo cuteee~!

I love kids.
No doubt about it.
"Who am i?":
-GORR KORRR.
wah biang soo cute larhs.

Than go "HOME" talked to Jaslyn.
Biang eh.
she ahh can go on and on and on and on.
Not bad man.
I no mood say anything cas she was full of complains.
But not about me la
Soo funny la.
Hiazz jas jas jas.I'M SPEECHLESS.
And when you speak so fast you sound like you wanna cry like dat sia.
I cant TELL..
Than you tell me soo many "weird things"!
Yarr rigghtt.
inviting me over eh?
GLADLY ^^!!
But sorry i'm not that kinda person.
IF YOU'VE HIDDEN INTENTIONS.
Please let me know i cant read between the lines =x
Or rather, I rather KNOW.
Please be direct.
Yawnz i'm soo trusted that i dont like it .
I REALLY HATE KEEPING SECRETS.
I hope that this piece of "puzzle"
Could be replaced with another one.
OR just removed.

I'm beat.
I'M GONNA SLEEEPPP.
for now.
Serenaa i sacrifice soo much for "YOU"
Remember me hor
LOL.

Secrets

2008-08-21T05:06:00.003+08:00

Thursday , August 21 , 2008
Secrets.

Weird thoughts.
Hiaxx Today zhao out...
find Serena Bong and Ken.
than... ______ called me.
Hiazz than i asked alot of questions.
And they questions me alot also.
But when ken fianlly came.
Its like they kinda were shocked when i asked those questions
Like i could predict that was going to happen.
Hiazz what should i say.
What can i do.
When around to slack.
Waste abit of cash
And exercisee!!.
Geez i'm sleepy.
Hiaz i dont feel like saying much
TOO MANY SECRETS TO KEEP
to many thoughts to settle
MY MIND IS TIRED.
it shall rest.

Dont look at me.
DONT THINK ABOUT ME.
Dont question me.
Dont tell me anything.
Because knowing is something that i do not wish to entertain.
I'M NOT A PERSON WHO YOU THROW "RESPONSIBILITIES" AT
Not your fear, Sadness, Depression.
I've got feelings too..

But still its SO F$r%u&* CONTRDICTING
Even i dont understand myself.

But i've got to say.
Dont pretend to understand.
Dont pretend to know.
Because rarely.
People can see through my thoughts.
My plans.
To know and to think you know are 2 different things all together to begin with.
Never assume something you're not sure of.

2008-08-20T23:15:00.000+08:00

I'LL BLOG LATER

"PERVERTED"

2008-08-20T15:09:00.003+08:00

Wednesday , August 20 , 2008
Peverted

Went lan gaming with nicholas leslie and gang
Won 1st game.
2nd game lose like shit -.-
SERIOUSLY?
4 agility heros?
WTF?
Than after that slack around like crap lose to PUBLIC SOMMORE?
GUYS WHAT THE HELL!.
Guess they were tired.
Geezz~
Never mind.
Go home than i sleeepppp.
Had this 'BRA' dream sia.
Dont know why in this dream i keep walking around this "bra department store"
THAN CANNOT WALK OUT SIA.
Walk everywhere all the different brands of bra shops
ROFL?
=x REMINDED ME OF MY EX =X
hahahahahahah never mind shant eleborate.
AII YAA stupid phone while charging = silent mode
If not i go find my god son and daughter le.
LALALALA i'm gonna go work early
I MISS SERENAA omg =x LOLZZZ~!

In a way la. BUT NOTHING WEIRD HOR.
People always have weird ideas.I miss my "god mummy"
LOLZZZ~

"Myself"

2008-08-19T23:37:00.001+08:00

"Myself"

Something rather interesting?

I DONT KNOW LALALALA.

You never know if you dont try ^^

Listened to this song on someones blog.

CRAP MAN THATS WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO PUT ON MY BLOG.

but in fact the actual thing is that i rather emo than prove a point.

I'M NOT LIKE YOU ONE BIT.

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

12 hours

2008-08-19T23:08:00.002+08:00

Tuesday , August 19 , 2008
12 HOURS.

Today i go work at like 1030.
But when i woke up after drinking so much yesterday.
I THINK I had midnight gastric.
But i sleeping so never feel anything.
When i wake up got this stupid sharp pain in my stomache lo
CANNOT MOVE SIAA..
Den i lay in bed for like "AGES"
Than i finally made a move came online slack around.
Than OMG I'M LATE FOR WORK
rush down.
TODAY AT WORK I SOO HYPER SIA.
I mean while doing cold side i was not la
BUT ONCE I GET INTO THE KITCHEN
Omgggggg.
KITCHEN IS MY 2NDD HOMMEEE
lalalalalalA!
Wacko me -.-
Than i help Winnie with her cold side also
IN AND OUT omgg thats soo fking fun la
my life i wish can like dat den more fun more exciting more things to do den i sure dam hyper everyday.
Slacking around now.
WORK 12 HOURS TODAY.
Somehow i kinda miss some things.
I just wanna..
Slack around..

Serious depression

2008-08-18T23:12:00.002+08:00

SeRiOuS dEpReSsIoN

Today i wake up.
Slack around den i think i blogged
Dont know lei i lazy check and see.
Than i just slack slack stone go see see friendster for fun.
Than i go Bathe and prepare for work early.
Than horr...
Jacelyn called me.MY GOD SIS.
I picked up the phone.
Helllooo?
I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DOOO.*sobs*
And she starts to cry the moment i picked up the phone la.
what the @#^$& man!
Sheesh i'm also super extremly depressed la.
I was actually planning to reach work early
Than talk until I LATE SIA.
Zzz at least i made her happy.
Or feel better.
Took a cab to work.
Zzzz 11 dollars.
Jac,Jac,Jac -.-
Hiazz you ahh.
See how much i sacrifice!!!
i'm also super depressed la.
I'm giving up so many things for what i feel is right.
My happiness comes after others.
Felt soo depressed la.
When jac like talked about her problems i felt like just hanging up on her.
Zzzz But i want to help people so i did my best to help.
And i managed to.

Stress.
Than at work.
The "new worker" KIM - talked to me about family.
Hey man i was like .
If you dont know what happens around some peoples family.
Than dont say or dont ask.
If the person talks about it just listen dont ask questions.
Curiousity will kill you and hurt others.
Than she said i was OLD.
And than she said i was a really nice guy o.0?
Thats why i love more mature and OLDER PEOPLE.
They're more understanding and they can communicate better with me

Than she ask me.
WHY I NO GF.
Its like hiazz.
I tried.
I did what i can i do what i can i'm trying to do whatever i can.
But the pieces still never match or form a beautiful picture.
BECAUSE IT NEEDS 2 PEOPLE.
Not just a 1 persons effort.

She said i was active and yet quiet?
Hahas my hyper energy and my extremly emo- being.

But they still dont know the real me.

2008-08-18T13:24:00.002+08:00

NONSENSEICAL POST

Lolssss.
I'm soo stupid
lalalalalalala.
Charmainneeeee.
You're so weird?
Long time no talk suddenly i send you that kinda weird msg you also reply.
ROFLL.
Working at 6 later lei
But i now dam bored sia.
Feel like going down to work place now slack lo
ROFL.
i'm like soo no life la.
I shall go slack around for now.
Wait some people finish school make some crappy phone calls.
Ahhh~ I'm soo sleepy.
Yet so "mentally high".
Yawnnzz once again.
Arghsss sleepyy.
LOL.
Slack slack slack.
Things are going to change after this month.
I'm soo happy yet soo ...
Boredd. ---

Stone.

Nonsense

2008-08-18T02:05:00.003+08:00

Monday , August 18 , 2008
Nonsense

Hiazz i dont know what i'm doing.
Lols i'm not despo ^^
I'M GLAD I'M NOT
Hiazz.
Wake up sleep wake up..
Than go work "early"
Today take ctrl of kitchen again.
Soo fun xD
Afterwork "chiong" home.
Oh ya 1 more thing no need to hide le ba.
I told jaslyn that i wont be chasing her liaos.
Zzzzz what am i thinking.
What am i saying,What am i doing.
I also dont know la.
Dont caree~
Than afterwork i go home.
Reach home Serena call me go pei her talk.
Okay lo i go down pei her.
Den see her 2 kids and Roland.
Wahh soo cute laaa.
Her daughter and son.
But she's in a tight situation and spot lo.
I only can lend her my time and ears.
Anything possible i'll be sure to help.
Carried her little girl home..
OMGGESs I've a god daughter le.
A REAL ONE..
Than after that i slacked around with roland and serena.
Than after that had a good talk with serena.
Hahahas... Hey man i'm helping people.
I'm changing people's lives for the better!
I'm so happy with myself la.
It covers for my misery.
I dont care what people say.
I dont care whats happening around me.
As long as i can hold myself.
Support myself and be happy with what i'm doing.
Thats all that matters for now.
Gonna sleep like now.

No point thinking back.
No point looking at those memories.
Yes there were happy and sad moments.
But when i talked to serena about certain stuff.
From a proper females opinion yes i could see slightly different things.
But still the "result" and answer still remains the same.
We're not meant for each other.
Some people ask me why give up.
Some people ask alot of questions and why dont i do certain stuff.
But i myself dont know.
I just know that i want to make people happy.
I want to help those who need help.
I want to change peoples lives for the better.

I Love kids.
I hate myself to a certain extend.
I just wanna be happy for now.
I hope i can be.

Insecure

2008-08-17T07:02:00.002+08:00

Insecure.

Slept at around 4-5am .
Cant remember.
Wake up at 6am+
Dont remember also.
Drink alot of water.
Try to sleep cannot sleep lei.
Zzzz why siaa..
I feel abit tired.
Physically.
Somehow i feel so insecure?
Or is it just too much energy...
I feel i want to do something but yet...
I just wanna waste my time.
But somehow i dont feel that time is something i should waste.
So what should i do...

Shocking

2008-08-17T01:37:00.002+08:00

ShoCkIng

WOW man.
I'm soo shocked.
Today wake up cas of SERENA.
Wake me up go buy shoes.
Go out of house go find her.
Den take bus 196.
Den in the end WE GOT LOST?
wahh THANKS ALOT HORR.
LOLS.
Waste my time.
Den in the end i ate lunch and went to "work" super early.
Hiazz waste my time and day and MY SLEEPING TIME!.
Slacked around with serena
Than pei jaslyn walk around.
She gave me a keychain? o.0
At work was so so lah.
Today saturday but soo boringg NO ORDERS DE LA.
Than after work slack awhile.
Talked to winnie abuot a few things after work..
Hahas.Kinda shocking.
Guess i'm kinda "NORMAL"
Cant say anything for now ba.
Dont want to also
Just that Time i necessary in certain things.
tAKE care everyone!.

2008-08-16T14:28:00.002+08:00

Considerations

Once again thinking about alot of things.
Asked ken to talk to me?

Hiazz but also i dont think that will change anything -.-

Dont ask me for horoscopes le la i lazy and i dont want to refer anymore.
I've nothing i wanna see anymore.
Just take things into my own hands.
My work place people.
Are abit...Suspicious?
What ever la.
As long as i hold a composure they will not crack me so easily.
Hiazz wadever la i hope i do whats right

2008-08-16T01:23:00.002+08:00

Saturday , August 16 , 2008
Emo

Guess sometimes its better that nobody knows..
But sometimes is it a good thing or not..
I dont know.
What should i really do.
Thats the question.
Why am i afraid.
Thats the question i always ask myself.
I'm just scared of losing my "posessions"
But what do i poess in the 1st place.
Should i try?
I really feel like giving it a shot la.
But somehow i dont want to.
If i really do alot of things are gonna change..
ALOT.
Decisions decisions..
I'm totally wacked out right now.
depressed people should not drink because they've really v little self control.
I nearly lost myself a few times.
Head spinning.

What is it i want...
What is it that i should do..
Heart matters? Use head or brain?
follow ur feelings..
Follow ur heart .
Because whats most important is happiness?
BLEHS WHAT BULLSHIT AM I SAYING.
I'm too tired to think.
LATERS.

We started on the 26th i dont even remember when we ended.
But i'm not living to follow a scheduel.
I'm living for society and myself
Was reminded of alot of things today.
But somehow i dont think that its going to bother me 1 bit.
Because its nothing more than memories that i'm forgetting.
Hopefully i wont have any CLEAR FLASHBACKS.

Conclusions

2008-08-15T12:12:00.003+08:00

Conclusions

The weirdest thing is that i hope no one who i sent that msg to reads my blog.
Oh wells even if you all ask around also might not be you all.
HAHAHAHA.
I even msged the girl i like about it sia..
Zzzz Somehow i feel that i should just leave things as they are.
Lets just be friends lols.
-"if i like someone but i feel i cant provide for her or i feel that i cant be a good enough guy for her..What should i do?"

Than be friends lo.
KNS I ASK ALL MY FRIENDS AH.
All say what not expert or dont know or just try lo.
NYAA. WHAT KINDA "ADVICE" IS THAT MAN!
Dreamt about alot of weird things last night.
Nothing weird about that though. zzz.
Winning.Losing.Whats most impt.
Your pride?Or you play for fun.
Ahh dont care la.
I dont want to say anything else for now.
I'm like super Deadlike now.
I'm gonna settle my psp once and for all.~

-POSTED ON 16TH AUGUST. 1.16am.
"TODAYS SCORPIOS HOROSCOPE.
-You're feeling a little bored with the same old routines and look -- so see if you can mix them all up somewhat! Try not to go overboard, or you may land in hot water with someone who's stuck in the past.

-People might have a tough time agreeing with you about what is the right way to go about doing things -- but the reasons they are resisting your solutions might have less to do with their quality and more to do with their own ego. Their insecurities are leading to conflict right now, so don't take them seriously. If you have faith in your strategy and ideas, then you should stand behind them. Go off on your own if you have to -- there comes a time when you have to make a stand.

2008-08-15T06:03:00.002+08:00

Friday , August 15 , 2008
Considerations.

Gave somethings some thoughts.
Eh why do i even need a gf lo.
Zzzz than i considered so many things.Hiaz..
So depressing.
Thinking about my ex.
Suddenly there was this line that ran through my head alot of times.
You can have your heart back.
You can take everything back.
My heart...My feelings..
Hiazz Dont know la.
Walked home from lan.
1hrs 20 mins.
Nt that bad ba.Good exercise.
Going to sleep b4 my family wakes up.
I'll post later..
Probably...

Thought about dying..
Would people care?
Would they want to know more about me?
If i really love this person what am i doing -.-
What should i do..
Actually i think its just a crush ba.
But if you never try you never know right?
But if i try... Is it worth the shot?
Sometimes i just wonder time and again.
Thought about charmaine. Is she really the one?
Sometimes the more options there are the more questionable things can get.
And when there are too many questions everything goes haywire and crazy.
What are the answers to all these questions.
No matter what happens.
Its all your own decision.
YOU DECIDE and You face your consequences.
When you're stuck and dont know where to walk to.
Just walk.
If you go right thats good.
But if you go wrong..
Than face it and go in the right direction.
Time wont wait for you.
But sometimes we're caught in this decision.
Because is this regret too big for me to handle..
Thoughts,Arugments,Mindsets,Confusion,Feelings,Doubt ARGHS EVERYTHING LA.

I need to reformat my mind...

Nothing

2008-08-15T00:13:00.002+08:00

Thursday , August 14 , 2008

Nothing

Today nothing happened
Nothing decisive to say
Nothing to do.
Now at lan shop
Dont wanna post.
But posting because its something i wanna do everyday.
Itsss sooo borringggg.

DOTAA HERE I COMEEE ~~

-I'LL POST HOROSCOPE SOME OTHER TIME ^^

Flaundered.

2008-08-13T23:25:00.003+08:00

Flaundered.

i spent like 400 dollars todayyy~.
Lalalaa PSP than i buy this speaker.
OMG-ess.
Money like dat fly sia -.-
Never mind i still got 1/2 left xD.
Today wake up watch GSD till left 2 episodes.
Den i go shopping at fareast.
Bought my CAP. Okay okay la not that nice.
Not that ugly as well.~ 15 dollarrss. x]

"customised"
den i bought my psp.
Den i go work early
Slack there.
DEN WORK TODAY SUPER SIAN.
Work work .
Den i lend my psp to my colleagues
AND I HAVEN EVEN PLAY YET LO.
Go home that time i lend my colleague bring home.
My other colleague was like WTF? lols.
Aii ya i nothing to say la.
I trust him . x]
Now at home slacking around.
WOWDED people at friendsterrrr~
Hiazz larry why ur friend say dont want. =/
Darn! INTRO LAA never mind oneee~
Scarly got fate how?!
AHHH you never know man xD
Hmmm for now just live my life casually. x]
Just love being high .
Sooo relaxed and happy.

Conflicts

2008-08-13T03:56:00.002+08:00

Wednesday , August 13 , 2008
Conflicts

Quoted from GSD.
Why do you have a head for? DECORATION?
Rofl!! AKA BRAINLESS IDIOT.
Decided to post abit b4 i sleep.
OMFGG Jasmine sisters name is called JASLYN !?!? ROFL!!
Den little bro call wad? JASPER? =x
No larrhss Junwei.
Lameeddd.
Hmmm Watching alot of GSD recently dont know why.
Warfare.Lives.Sacrifices...
Kill or be killed.With power to kill and protect.
Hate or be hated.
Tsk war war.
Losing of your precious one.
Reuniting.. Heros..

Lala just more nonsense ^^
Curiousity still overwhelms me.
But i'm glad i've someone to stop me.

Resolve,

2008-08-12T21:51:00.003+08:00

Resolve.

Hiazz. Ponder about somethings and questioned myself again.
Put myself in so many situations and feelings.
Finally got the right tune of life.
Its not to love.
Forget it lets just be friends la right?
Least you think you want me too =x
LOLS.
I doubt la who wants me to begin with.
I'm a drop out blah blah blah .
ZZZZZ
But its alright i accept that fact.
But its better than people who are lost in life.
At least i'm making progress and stuff.
Sleep sleep sleep save money and slack.
Sooo "FUN!"
Okay la i dont wan crap liao la no point -.-
Sianzzz~ Now dont know wan do wad.
Msn got problem.
Internet programmes loading so slowly
Everything is cocking up.
Like kana stuck sia.
But with willpower, determination and other alternatives
I can find a way around "all" problems.
Push yourself.Push yourself to your limits and break them.

Todays Scorpios Horoscope
-Someone important is quite receptive to your ideas today, so see if you can push things just a little bit further. You may want to ask for a raise, make travel plans or propose an enormous change.

-Your feelings about your career path have been fairly ambivalent lately, but when you get a small taste of power early on today, you will finally see where you want things to go. Your ambition is waking up, and it's going to be hungry for new challenges and opportunities! When you see a chance to get out there and start making things happen, you should put everything else aside and hop to it. Reschedule social plans if need be -- your friends will understand.

Inconsideration

2008-08-12T10:53:00.002+08:00

Inconsideration

WTF LO.
I today going home from lan.
I took 111 den i oversleep.
I woke up.Than i alighted cross road to opposite side and waited for any bus.
Than this blind guy alighted lei.
Than got 3 people standing beside him.
He said excuse me
NO ONE CARED LEI.
WTF RIGHT?
Than sommore i sitting down blasting my music as usual i saw.
Than i go help him.
Get on same bus as him 970.
Than i let him have the last sit on the bus.
No space i move aside.
Than hor this stupid auntie.
Wan alight lei.
Den 1st she shove me aside lei.
I sleepy how i know sia i never even see.
Than she : Oi move can?
Than i diao her.She holding that little kids hand
Than i aii ya dont find trouble la.
I moved aside.
Stupid auntie got kid already still dye her hair BRIGHT RED.
Think what sia.
WTF lo be kind helpful considerate
And still tio gan by people sia.
WOW.
Seriously?
I gave it a 3 point of viewpoint.
And i "concluded" it was not "my fault"
Zzzzz Whatever la i cant be bothered.
I'm glad i helped that blind person but i'm super pissed with inconsiderate F people like those stupid old aunties and F-tards that think they're some big F.

I'm gonna SLEEEP.
GOODAA NIGHTT / mORNING.

Mixed feelings

2008-08-12T02:54:00.002+08:00

Tuesday , August 12 , 2008

Mixed feelings.

Today power la.
I wake set alarm
Tell my sister wake me up at 1030.
Den i go back sleep.
Den b4 alarm ring.
i woke up again.
Den i remember today i never work hor.
ARGGHSS.
LOL.
Den i remove alarm and go back sleep.
Den i woke up at like 4PM.
Wake up liao use computer watch bleach and naruto.
Than i see my phone messages.
See jaslyn msg dont know wan delete or not.
Den suddenly she call me
OMFGG I WAS TOTALLY SHOOCKKEDD.
LOLSSSS.
Den go out for "LUNCH" with her and BONG.
At bugis.
Sooo boring. No place sit.
Than i go buy chips and a bottle blueberry tea.
(WHO CARESSS WHAT I HAD FOR LUNCH!)lol
Than walk walk shop for her friends birthday gift.
Something she owes her friend la basically.
Than she buy this shirt.
Asked me for my stupid opinion.
Than i say anything lo
After that i go bugis lan shop play.
SB owned -.-
LIKE AS USUAL LO.
1 SB 2 bracer 1 threads 1 hyper 1 bkb.
Owned all the 4 friends.
VIPER, PA, JUGGERNAUT, NS.
Fucking funny laaa.
Than after that i slack around at arcade den go Serena house.
Geeezzz.
So smelly.
After that go back bugis.
I ate 2 plates of chicken rice and 2 cans of soyabean!
Than after that go find bong they all again at suntec.
Hmm overall today was quite a okay day ^^
I ENJOYED MYSELF ALOT ACTUALLY. XD

HAHAS soo fun.

-Feelings on love.
Time and again there's this doubt in my heart.Whats this feeling?..Listening to westlife - If i let you go.But i dont know if she feels the same. zzz. that uncertainty. I dont feel safe. i dont feel good either.She gives me that "attention". that particular feeling that she "wants" me as well.But i might be wrong. Should i try?I'm scared.This is just too much off my imagination.But i keep thinking of her somehow.Just a feeling to keep and hold someone safe.But i must be responsible. I feel i cant be a good bf i cant provide and stuff. What should i do? Time and againi'm dreading over so many questions. And i can never get any answers. Why..What do i really fear?Its not the distance.I know shes a great girl.She knows what she should do and not.I cant eleborate anymore people who read might figure out who it might be xD.
Whats really needed in a relationship.Why do i want one?
Development feelings? What? I forgot what i've said about love.
I wont mention who that person is.But just thinking of being with her occasionally and being with her makes me happy.But somehow i dont really feel love..
Be friends? Or 'HAVE HER'
Stupid la i'm just not ready

Thinking about my past thinking about my ex.
I dont know what i wanna say or anything.
Its not the same
Nothing will be the same as it used to be.
I know it.

Chats.

2008-08-11T03:53:00.002+08:00

Chats.

Decided to post 1 more thing b4 i go sleep.
Hiazz Somehow somewhere inside of me dreads alot of things.
But somehow i know that i Know what i'm doing.
I can feel the air.
I can feel the tension.
I can feel your feelings.
Just that its being mis interpreted at times.
But hey Its always like that right?
Zzzzz Fucking hate liars.
FUCKING BIG FAT LIARS.
Kaoz after talking to ken a few days back somehow i "flashback"
And he said this.
People in a R/S usually cant become friends again.
Because if they really loved each other..
You think its really possible?

Reflected back to Zhiweis messages and words.
Trying out a relationship.
Doing this and that.
Being online everyday after we broke up?
Going home late.
Blah blah nonsensical
But wtf man. Its totally bullshit lo to most of the people i refer to.
Shes totally not worth it
But i gave my all and stuff.
Could feel that suspense in the air.
Could feel alot of things.
Lies.. Just more and more lies.
But why am i crapping about the past
Probably just cant get some fucking things off my stupid mind.
F$%^&* HELL CAN MY STUPID BRAIN JUST STOP THINKING?
Think so much for F#$%^&*
Crazy.
Just totally wacko..
I dont appereciate.
I dont care.
But sometimes.
You need more than just pure will to overcome weakness.
I tried playing pool today.
I KNOW THE ANGLE.
I know what will happen with the strenght i place in.
BUT I CANT REACT THE WAY I WANT.
Thats the way humans are.
Flawed.

I'm flawed.
I'm not perfect.
NOT EVEN CLOSE
Not even half way there.
But i try to be time and again.
Getting better.
Growing out of misery.
But its like a valley that cant be covered with water and be called a sea.
The truth still remains...
And is thinking what you want really going to cover reality?

I'm tired. i'm going to sleep.

Scheduel

2008-08-11T03:18:00.003+08:00

Monday , August 11 , 2008
Scheduel

I'm off on monday.
I'm off on TUESDAY AS WELL!?
WTF?
ONE MORE TIME LIKE THIS I SWEAR I'LL QUIT.
Today found out more about some of my colleagues background
Actually 1 only la.
Hiazz today wacko nya -.-
Guess its not really a crush i dont feel much at all.
Probably just a distraction.
hahahas.
Yesterday was quite havocktic.
Aii ya. Life is soo straightforward in my face.
After my break up i learnt so many things.
About true, total, failure
And alot of other disappointing things in life.
I'm glad for certain things.
But for others? I seriously am not happy at ALL.
Same goal.
Same vision.
And feelings for one another.
Feelings can be developed.
Whats love? I dont know i dont really care le.
Its just a disappointing thing -.-
What more can i say or stuff.
Just got to keep moving right?

But one thing remains in my mind..
If you never try you never know.
But if i try.. Can i commit and do it?
Its not going to be easy.
Its not going to be my way.
I'm just lost.

Sat beside someone who could be my lover.
But somehow.
Is that what i really want?
Or is it what i'm really looking for?

Morninggg

2008-08-10T10:39:00.003+08:00

Morninggg

Ah fortunately i dont feel too tired
Woke up on time.
Edited the songs i've been downloading.

Rolands Drinking hang out area is soo cool~
Morden and stuff.
Wacko etc.

Somehow i'm starting to hang out and drink alot -.-
Hiazz guess i should not mix around my colleagues anymore?
Depends.
Hiazz Lets take life easy for now.

Todays Scorpios Horoscope
-It's not a good day for gambling or high-risk investments of any kind -- luck just isn't on your side right now. That's not to say that everything falls flat, but you just need to play it safe for the time being.

-You're getting a new attitude about a difficult decision you have to make -- you're ready to take a little bit of a bigger risk and thus (hopefully) enjoy a greater reward. This is a wonderful sign that your confidence is growing and your sense of adventure is back! You'll be in a more aggressive mood today, but you'll still have your characteristic warmth and charm to keep people feeling happy and comfortable when they are around you. This is a wonderful day for social networking.

2008-08-10T04:38:00.001+08:00

Sunday , August 10 , 2008
Empty.

Today i went to work early
Thought it would be busy.
Sian la!
I go there already nobody.
Than order come and go come and go
Soo slack.
I timed in early.
Work for FREE.
Boredd like shit la.
Than after work i wan go home de.
But than Bong and Serena wanna go drink
Than i like bo bian wad.
Never mind i "sporting" go along.
Than drink drink drink
Kaoz i water tank.
Lols Not bad laaa.
Than about 3 hrs later
GO HOME.
Than later working full 12-1030
Hahahs.
So i'll just end here for now.
I'll post when i wake up ^^

PIGGY.

2008-08-09T15:18:00.011+08:00

PIGGY

Who am i to criticise people who are "fat"
LOL I'm fat tooo!!
xD
Hmm maybe?
I just sleep alot =/
Is that considered piggy enough?
Yesterday at pub took a few wacko photos
I'M NOT PHOTO MATERIAL
So please don't criticise
Wait I'm ugly to begin with x]

This PHOTO IS SO GAY.
OKAY NOW NOW
Dont say i bias never upload everyone photo espicially birthday girls one -.-
But the thing is that THEY NEVER LET ME TAKE
Or they deleted it -.-
Zzzzz My phone become their toy sia.
Anyways.
I'M GOING TO WORK EARLY TO HELP OUT.
X]
<3>

Todays Scorpios Horoscope
-Today is the dawn of a new era for you. You can feel yourself shedding the last remnants of old baggage or beliefs that held you back and are eager to tackle the new challenges that await.

-Are you regretting a recent impulse buy? It's not surprising -- you're growing a lot more mature and conservative about your purchases, and now you're looking at that silly gadget, overpriced trinket or too-trendy outfit with new eyes. If you can return it, do so as soon as possible. It might not be convenient, but it will make you feel better about yourself. If you can't return it, consider giving it to a friend who may enjoy it more than you. You can address this feeling -- and fix it.

Party's over

2008-08-09T05:39:00.004+08:00

Saturday , August 9 , 2008
Party's over
NATIONAL DAY.

PUI AHH~ =x
I dont care about national day.
2x pay more impt xD
Went PARTYINGG BAB.BEE~
Dam F-ing fun.
I Drink drank drunk.
BUT I'M TOTALLY FINE.
Still can blog and think about what to post
ROFL

Struck with memories and flashbacks again.
I remembered the 1st time i went to a pub.
Zzzz She was not my gf than.
But yea..
They sold these toys.
People came in and sell stuff.
I remembered i bought that cute toy bear.
I wonder if ZW still has it =/
It was a bear that said "I LOVE YOU" when you press it.
Hiazzz Memories.

While "pubbing" i missed my ex alot.
I just wanted to hug somebody.
Kiss her etc.Blah blah.
But at the same time i dint want her.
Hiazz. Nonsense
Dont wish for anything just wanted to drown my sorrows
I did
Abit and i'm doing fine still.

Talked to Jaslyn about some stuff.
Hey shes a cool girl k?
Surprisingly shes like errr 18 days OLDER than ZW?
Hahas..
Pisces lei!!
Okay not any weird ideas etc.
But hey they said if you dont try or if you dont move on
THAN HOW WOULD YOU KNOW.
Since you dont know You must TRY.
RIGHT? LOLs
Hiaz but i scared la
But i dont want to try at the same time also
I feel like a fking kid.
Guess i need more "support"

For now i wanna go bathe N sleep
GEEZZUSS =x

5.46 am

Happy birthday JEROEN
Hiazz Winnie i'm speechless i dont know what to say about her.
But shes a great friend
I THINK.

Oh 1 more thing to add.
SHIT MAN MY PHONE DIED ON ME.
Aii ya i met
PAUL 2 HILLIE.
Zzzz sadly my fone no bat.
Good thing is .
MY HAIRSTYLE SO SUCKS heng i never take foto with him
How to anyways.
Hiaazzzz.

Party!

2008-08-08T02:50:00.005+08:00

Friday , August 8 , 2008
Party!

Later got a party.
But about yesterdays events.
Went to work.
Slacked there.
Ended at 5.
Slacked around more till arnd 7+
Went to suntec.
Dint EVEN WATCH WCG LA.
Not even to say go see if i know anyone there
Geezz~
Hiazz Anyways. Than met up with Ken and jaslyn.
Zzz soo wacko
And i cut myself while working today.
Quite deep.
KEEP BLEEDING KEEP KEEP BLEEDING (in pain) =x
Drip drip drip drip drip
Zzzz than all the remainding food must throw away cas "drenched" in blood
So cool la =X lols!
Planning about jeroens Birthday plans.
Hiazzz No comments on anything else but
HOPEFULLY IT WILL BE A FUN AND FRUITFUL DAY.
Work hopefully will be GOOD
I got a new nick name
Zhu ge liang?
WTF ?! i only have theories THATS ALL
And they call me stragist professional?
Hmmm-.- Not that bad.. xD
But i dont like -.-
Hiazz goonnaa sleeepp
Working at 1 PM
OHH MEANS CAN SET ALARM LATER
woohooo!!
wait i go reset =x

HMmmmMMm
My stupid cut soo pain.
Oh i got my new phone so i can upload pics.
LETS TRRYYY.

woohooo~ IT WORKSSS
K next time i post more pics xD
I'm not photogenic.
Aka photo material

Not bad ahh~ i hiding behind.
Both my colleagues.
Went drinking today.
Weee so fun.
I know i'm not healthy
BUT I KNOW I'M A GOOD DRINKER
Talked about virginity today.
Hiazz guess they say people should just have sex and get over it.
I dont care i'm saving mine.

Todays Scorpios Horoscope
-You can keep working and playing quite late tonight and should find that others can keep up with you only as long as you're around to motivate them. Use that great energy to start or finish something big!

-One of your newest relationships is suddenly getting very intense -- you two are starting to look like you're joined at the hip! This is a crucial time -- you want to keep the momentum going with this person, but you could be in danger of losing sight of your own identity and your own goals. So you need to use today or tomorrow as a vacation from them. It's not that you need to have less time with them, it's just that you need to have some more time alone with yourself.

Desperation

2008-08-07T11:13:00.002+08:00

Thursday , August 7 , 2008
Desperation

Hiazz I'm so curious.
I want to know.
Yet i dont want to know and not supposed to know
I really wan go see my ex blog.
But i know i should not.
Zzzz but the way i see things sometimes is that shes a bit "desperate" also
Looking for love.
Yet not a bf or what so ever.
She said she dint love herself what so ever yet shes "indulging" herself
I dont know anything la
Like she said.
Guys from NS etc blah blah
Who are you to judge the "Pure" people who are not desperate due to the majority?
Thats the thing about people now adays.
If it was you. What would you do if you were classified with the mass.

Blah blah i dont know why la.
Just curiousity wants to know how is she doing wad so ever.
But somewhere inside me just doesn't allow it.
Weird weird weird.
Going to work like eerrrr NOW?

Hiazz guess i'll live this life for now.
And not let curiousity overwhelm me.

I MEAN WHAT I SAY.
I DO WHAT I COMMIT MYSELF TO.
Hate people who shoot their mouths off w/o thinking.
If its not their fault stop falsely accusing them
Put yourself IN THEIR SHOES.

Todays Scorpios Horoscope
-Now is the time for you to tackle seemingly impossible tasks -- your amazing energy should at least help you make the most of them. Your ability to withstand opposition is at an all-time high!

-Having a specific vision of what you want the next year of your life to look like is good, but don't fall into the trap of being inflexible about it. You can't move forward in your life on railroad tracks -- the path of life is much more fluid than that. You're going to encounter a few bumps in your road today, and you need to react more flexibly. Don't just focus on how your plans are getting messed up -- work around the problem, and you'll end up in an even better place.

PATIENCE

2008-08-06T23:13:00.003+08:00

Wednesday , August 6 , 2008
PATIENCE

Phew nearly forgot to blog
Lols .
Had alot of weird dreams last night.
WEIRD nothing psychotic or anything.
Just weird.
Dreamt of quite a few people.
Dreamt of the airport and my ex.
But it does not bother me anymore.
Actually all my dreams were about FOOD.
LOLS =x
Hungry nyaa.
Sleeping also dream of food.
Sure fat one.
Actually suddenly never go work i DREADED TO GO WORK SIA.
So bored -.-
Sleep sleep sleep.
Watch gundam seed.
Download songs
Sat infront of the computer with 91.3 webbie on.
Download all those songs LOL.
Weirdo -.-
Anyways got a few nice ones x]
Happy liaos.
WAITING FOR JAS TO ONLINE.
Soooo loonngg doubt she'll come online.
=/
Msg her nvr reply de.
Lalala nvr minds she neeeds her beauty sleep.

BORRRINNNGGG.
Hiazz cant wait for my pay.
I WANNA BUY A LAPTOP AND PSP AND NEW BICYCLE
Woohooo~ cant wait =/

AND OMG JAS JUST CAME ONLINE

Todays Scorpios Horoscope
-It's a great day for brainstorming -- you need to develop more ideas and see what comes of them and your family or coworkers are in the right frame of mind to get creative. Lead the way!

-In order to reduce the amount of stress in your life, you need to hand things over to someone you trust. Delegate some of your tasks at work or at home to another person who could use the experience. You can't worry about adding stress to their life by doing so -- right now you should just be concerned about creating a few calmer, quiet moments in your own day. Deciding what tasks to give to which people won't be too hard -- you know who you can count on.

Officially over -.-

2008-08-05T23:26:00.002+08:00

OFFICIALLY OVER.

Eh apperantely someone said she will never read my blog again?
Whatever like duhh?
I accuse people sia -.-
Wowded.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH another great accusation by someone.
Good lo i'm glad you're really saying such stuff lei.
Seriously
Dont worry i'll remove your link off my blog and stuff.
Blehs sometimes read already wanna cry.
Now i read wanna puke.
Please la hor.
Who accusing who now.
I now not even flirting.
Not even ACCEPTING girls who flirt with me
ROFL people say i'm a fucking weirdo
Because i dont want to.
I dont even care what you have to say.
Thinking about you
Caring about you.
Guess you wont even need my care or concerns.
I take back my words.
I take back all my promises.
I'm officially over you
You're someone not even worth spending that 2 mins looking at ur blog to see how "wonderful" your day was.
My days are getting better
Today was not bad at all~
I was like totally over her la!
B4 i even saw her blog.
Hmmm must be my "concentration" level going up.
Responsibility level.
Wah biang today took a picture of a girl
At 1st i glace look okay.
Than i go back work
Than now i see
WAH BIANG THE MAKE UP
make her look like ghost LOL.
DELETED HER PICTUREEEE.
Later people get wrong idea -.-
hahahahahs.
Actually she not bad lei.
But sorry i'll not make a move.
Neither will i accept anyone.

Eh 1 more thing hor ZW wan accuse me can just like scribble it all over my blog and what so ever.
Because my FRIENDS know what i did.
Who i am.
What i do and dont.
You can say what you want.
Leslie is my biggest "witness"
AFTER EVERYTHING.
He's the one who knows what i did.
What i DID FOR YOU.
So i'm super confident of my actions.
You can continue to hide and say what you want.
Because now i dont even think about you.

I'll remove all your stuff later.
Pictures.
Numbers.
Memories.(if thats possible)LOL
Your shirt you gave me
Everything.

Sadness

2008-08-05T15:35:00.003+08:00

Tuesday , August 5 , 2008

Sadness

Its alright to cry when you feel like it
thats why people cry.
Not for attention
Not because they "want to"
Because they feel so sad.
In pain.
Demoralised.
Fake tears are seriously not appreciated.
I've too many sorrowful dreams
Too many unfulfillable dreams.
but..
"the me now, that's right here, is everything"
Nothing else matters.
Was thinking about what ZW said yesterday.
Time does heal these painful wounds.
Its forgotten over time.
Whether you want to or not.
Its all up to you
Yes you remember but the pain gradually goes
Dont let impatience get in your way.
As theres no certainty in everything
Dont let impatience affect you
Find a way.

There's no point waiting.
No point looking back and thinking about her.
Shes not who i though she was.
Maybe i knew long ago she was not the one.
But i insisted.
Because of my dreams.
Of what i wanted.
I realise that life has much more to offer.
Yes look around you appreciate those around you
Friends or not friends people who are smiling.
Happiness sense them.
No point drifting into my imaginary land.
Its all over and done.
And she was not the one.
What more can i tell myself?

Time "flys"
My god uncle child is 4 months old already.
Today is... 5th august..
Started on 26th feb
Ended dont know when.
108 days.
Dont wanna count.
I lost my phone
Lost my pictures.
Lost my memories of somethings
But somethings will never change.
But things change.
Flashbacks will happen.
But now is now.
The past the future.
Now is a gift.thats why its called PRESENT.
May i accept this " gift "
This time, This second,everything thats happening.
Be happy..As its will be something you'll never get back.
Experience sadness.experience everything.
Than you'll understand and know
Depression.
Is something thats like a deep pit hard to climb out off.
Its dark and slippery
You fall back down.
But after time its filled with rain and you float out of it.
Heartbreaks..
Heartpains.
Love.
Double edged sword.
Appreciate what you have now.
that's all about life.

Todays Scorpios Horoscope
-Put off any inessential actions for a bit longer, as you need to think things through first. Your mental energy is just right for plotting and planning, so you should see a definite advantage in the short term.

-Today you are standing on a firm foundation of accurate awareness: You just learned some critical information. You know the real deal, and nothing anyone else will say to you can change your mind. This level of conviction will help you persevere through long, boring meetings and help you handle people who think they know it all. It's also going to help you see certain people in a much clearer light. There has been a lot of fast talking going on, and not a lot of progress.

Contradiction

2008-08-04T23:19:00.002+08:00

Contradiction

Zhiwei "Wrote" about me again.
Its not 'POSTING' as she "claims"
Whateverr~ She wont see this anyways.
She wont even bother!

-memories blurring.. feels lyk water running over a sieve.. is dis a gd thing? nth will be left of u after few more mths... confused as to keep all dis memories or juz let it all slip away.. pics, deleted. hp num, deleted. all msges, deleted. dun even blog abt u anymore, unless u wanna count dis one.

Great yea?
Contradicting statements
One after another.
How can i forget my 1st relationship.
How can i forget all the sweet things.
Yayaya those are not lies.
Those are just your 'CONFUSION'
Like how you treated me in the relationship
thanks alot ah~
Everything that you've said and done.
This is verbal proof now lo.

Anyways. Not gonna bitch about you.
Not so free to do so
And no i'm not dao .
I just am sooo not interested to waste anymore time on this shit.
You finally "showed" your "true colours"
Maybe you're just confused as usual DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU SAYING.
But infact the people who do really read will know.
Eyecandy etc.
Please i could feel you drifting and stuff and you push the blame to me
V smart hor.
Blah blah blah (OMG WHAT AM I SAYING) LOLS

Work today was stupid.
Go there.
Cut lettuce, Prepare potato skin and "spudnik"
- Chicken baccon corn mayo
Than order come like siao
Crazy people lols
Order come 1 after another lo.
I finish 1 order
Wan slack another order come
WTF?
Cannot all come one shot?
Rofl.
Realised abit more about the people i'm working with.
The girls there are errr.....
No COMMENTS PLEASE.
Thank you x]
Working tml COLDSIDE.
ICECREAM DRINKS AND FLUIDS.
Sianzz~ STUPID LESLIE HAVEN CALL ME
GOING LAN ANNOT STUPID IDIOT!!

Lalala I'm getting over this shit already soo cold recently.
So friggin cold.
Heartless.
Whheeee I'M ME.
Good luck with life ZW.
Thanks for trashing mine up..

dumbfounded.

2008-08-04T14:58:00.002+08:00

Monday , August 4th , 2008
Bored as usual.

I actually asked to "quit" my job.
Strangely but true.
Health wise i dont think its really quite my stuff espicially morning shifts.
WTF Fred-.-
I was serious when i was talking about not feeling good in the morning.
Thats why when i work in my other places in the morning i find the slackiest thing to do.
I just stand there.
Nothing else.
Do you think i'll make excuses?
Till now i claim responsibility for everything that i do.
Have i said no?
Anyways anyone can say what they want about me.
I dont really care much.
Went to my ex friendster..
Saw the picture i took of her.
Saw the testi i sent her..
Memories.
Painful memories are no longer painful
I just look at her picture..
And say this was the girl who made a fool out of me.
I feel numb -.-
I feel sad.
Lonely.
Bored.
But what more can i say or do?
Find friends.
Friends...
Hiazz.. I rather be alone ..
In times like this i just stone dont need go out
Save money.
No one messages me.
No one says hey paul wanna go out
I dont want to be a burdens in peoples lives.
So i'll make it..
Just standing on my own.

Emo? dont think so.
I say this is the best way for me to describe how much i CARE.
Irritating?
Extra."kaypo"?

Yea i rather not be.

Todays Scorpios Horoscope
-You and your friends are working together to do something cool and you feel absolutely great about the collaboration In fact, you may decide to formalize the arrangement to do more of the same in the future.

-Someone you care about has been acting extra sensitive lately -- taking everything the wrong way, assuming the worst, and getting upset over nothing. You have been patient with them, but today your patience might be starting to run out. This means that you run the risk of snapping at them if they say the wrong thing, today, which will probably only send them further down that emotional spiral. So it's wisest to get your distance from them until they're back to their old self.

Flashbacks.

2008-08-03T23:18:00.002+08:00

Flashbacks.

Today went work early morning.
Was slightly late.
Never mind.
Work already..
Than 3.30 break till 6 start work.
Bought lunch for my colleagues.
Just in case i decide to just leave.
Went to library.
STUPID LA.
MY stupid bag so big cannot go inside.
Lols. Hiazz never mind lo.
I just loitered around
Than when i went to the "basement" of the library.
I remembered alot of things -.-
I remembered sylvie...
Her perfume smell.
The book she read.
And where she took it from.
OMG LAAA flashbaccks -.-
Thats why i'm super "memoriable"
Flooded with memories..
Decided not to stay at the library..
Waste of time and dint want to remember anything else.
Went back to work place and slacked arnd.
At night was super funny and stupid -.-
Played around so much
Everyone laugh like mad.
But it was worth it la.
Everyone was happy and entertained.
And end of day WTF THE NEW GUY SAID I WAS 26 YEARS OLD?
WTF MAN I'm Not THAT OLD .
T_T i'm only 17.
Going 18 x]
Zzzz But i'm glad people look at me as a "matured" person.
O.0?
I so playful still = mature?
Geezzz =/
TMR i off! But than they call me go back work
What to do.. Zzz life is like that right?
Nvm see how x]
JASMINEE where arree yoouu~~.

Oh and i've got a NEW PHONE. N78
Wacko stupid phone.
So sensitive.
Off-ed the "TOUCH PAD"

Overall today was emo,fun,Boring -.-
borrinnggg.

On time for work xD

2008-08-03T09:46:00.002+08:00

Hehe i woke up on time xD
Actually i woke up super early la.
Zzzz guess my will to do something is still super strong.
Guess thats called my persistance.
Its so overpowering -.-
Zzzz and that might be my "Strenght"
Yet my biggest weakness
Cant blog le
JUST SAYING GOOD MORNING EVERYONE.
Laterrzz~

Mind war.

2008-08-03T01:26:00.003+08:00

Sunday , August 3 , 2008
Mindwar.

I've been at a mind war for a long time.
Long time ago.
Since when i dont even remember.
It hurts.
That insecure feeling that you dont know what to do.
When you make a decision you feel that you might regret it for your life or something.
Love, I cherish that person but i'm always let down - Quoted from SOMEONE.
I wont say anything about that...
Cherishing = love?
Love means what?
Time and again. That question is asked
Time and again people get hurt.
Time and again...
Working at 1030 cant sleep
Miss my phone arghs., -.- Scared i cant wake up.
When that time comes than say ba.
Gazes at stars.
thinks about ZW.
EyeCandy and stuff. Seeing that makes my heart break.
Seeing that makes me feel so...
The person who made my world.
Who made me feel wanted for once.
Who i thought understood and loved me "let me down"
Its me who "forced" her right?

I dont make accusations which i doubt.
I accuse and if i do wrongly i apologise.
What is it that i'm looking for
What is it that i want.

Looking and judging people.
Spreading rumours.
And putting innocent people in a spot.
Ignoring them when they need help the most.
And rubbing salt in their wounds.
Who are you to say anything if you dont even put yourself in their shoes.
And still to say you understand?
What do you really know?
Advice.is given.
Its accepted and used.
Its accepted but hard to change.
Its forgotten and used against the person who gave it.
Life is just unfair.
The talented.
The fortuante.
The rich have the upper hand.
Human rights and ETC.
All these were made by "humans"
I dont know what am i angry about now -.-
Just feel someone somewhere is being violated.
Someone is being ill treated.
And i'm powerless to help.

I'm glad i've opened my eyes.
I'm glad i've taken a step forward.
I want to move.
MOVE.
I'm not going to watch things happen.
I'm going to make things happen.

Todays Scorpios Horoscope
-You're good at keeping secrets and today brings a doozy! You may not be totally sure what to do about it, but waiting and seeing should be the best course of action. It may be pretty funny, actually!

-A friend is acting like they are doing you a favor by inviting you along somewhere -- they seem intent on making you feel unwelcome, and it's working. There is some mean game playing going on here, and the only way you can get out of it is to say 'no.' Even if you really want to go, it's just not worth it if you have to feel in debt to them the entire time. When a friend starts making you feel bad about yourself, it's time to rethink whether or not they should be your friend.

Friends...
What are friends.
Where to find friends?
Who are your real friends.
How do you know who are your true friends.
When would you know if your friend is really your friend or not.

Believe in yourself.
Than believe in your friend.

hectic

2008-08-02T23:21:00.002+08:00

Hectic

Today was rather hectic.
Woke up late..
My phone gone.
Today at work was kinda...
Weird?
I did alot of different roles -.-
Became ordering slip boii o.0!
Its a stupid boring and lame 'ROLE' la.
Than i absorbed what jasmine said.
LOL I THINK I GOT LAG SYMPTOMS.
Being a psychistrist.
Took me 2 days?
Took me 2 days to realise i dint wanna let ZW go after our break up also
Lets not drift to that subject.
Anyways talked to my workplace about the timing and stuff.
They push the blame back to me.
Than i expressed my points -.-
They agreed la.
Of coz who dont wan earn more money.
Than like they dont want me go like dat
Lols. vaulable worker?
"OUR BEST PART TIMER"
Wtf? i Dont care about being the "best"
I'M NOT GOOD AT ANYTHING
I'm not the best..
I rather let someone take the BEST spot and i'll follow.
I rather listen than lead.
STM stm. I'm forgetting so many things -.-

I WANT A NEW BICYCLE
I WANT A LAPTOP
A NEW PSP.AND PHONEEE
arghss MONEYYY gimmi MONEEYY
oh.
CLothes TOO
r0oawrr.
xD

K i go slack liao working 1030 tml morning
hiazzz...heartbreak.
MY IMPT FRIENDS IN MY MSN ALL NOT ONLINE WA BIANG SO BORED LA.
Miss my "real friends" =/

Gave alot of things some thought.
zhiwei has become so different.
online everyday and stuff.
and she said she dint love herself...
that what about me?
hiaz this pain..
this stupid sadness.
the things sacrificed
the things done.
the past is nothing but memories.
the more you know the less painful
curiousity killed the cat.
curiousity is killing me.
curiousity let me know what i dont want to know and should not know.
now that pain is still there.
love, hate ,right ,wrong, Justice?
Whats right and wrong?
Whats law.
Law was made by humans.
Its not perfect.
neither is it very "flawed'
Time.
Life.
Everything is so stucked up.
Everything is making me feel so stuck.
Everytime i consider something new the past reflects in my mind.
I cant do anything really.
Memories flood me.
I just wish life would be better
Or i wish to just die or never to exist.

Love does not exist anymore..
I dont want to believe in something i cant find.
I dont believe in things i dont see.
I dont believe..
But somewhere inside of me its telling me..
If i can do this..
There might be others out there also doing the same
I'm not alone.
There are others out there worse off.
And stuff.
I MUST PERSIST.
i must make it through..
i wanna be someone new.
Someone better.
Someone people can rely on and love..

Gone

2008-08-02T03:44:00.002+08:00

Gone

Zzzz i did what i usually do.
And its really over.
I've dropped my phone in water
Rather washed it in washing machine
zzzz
Guess no more numbers.
No more handphone.
No more lots of things and its time for "new stuff' and to move on
Something new.
Something different.
Something me.

Dont message me
Dont call me
Give me your number if i request or want it.
If you dont want give also never mind.

Exhausted

2008-08-02T01:04:00.002+08:00

Saturday , August 2nd , 2008
EXHAUSTED.

Today working 13 hours flat.
NoN STOP.
Not even for a break.
no big deal to me actually.
Hiaz but no time to blog yesterday OMG SO WASTED LA.
T_T
Feel so horrible i dint blog... ZZZ
Was thinking about the "theory" about time.
Time passes.
Every second i'm typing this "testi" blog" Diary" is a second i'll never get back
But i just feel less and less sad each day.
Less loving and stuff

Work was kinda horrible actually.
But i had control of everything for 'ONCE'
so FUN.

I dont know what i want now.
I was talking to so many people today.
And while doing so i was reflecting as well.
Life just seems so wasted.
Drifting away.
JASMINE you are so friggin MONOTONE LARHS.
Yawnz. I'm so siand-ed
Read my ex blog again.
Feel less for her already
Because she already LIKES someone else.
Wells i had a feeling already.
I'm gonna be that EMO kid again.
But just that silent boii.

The people at my work place still dont know the 'real' me
Rofl so stupid -.-
I'm changing my "characteristics" every now and than.
Silent. Noisy. Irritating. Fast worker. Slacker.
In total = gamer = WORK ADDICT?
Hiazzzz LATER WORK SURE HAVOCK ALSO LO
So many F-IN things to do tml also
DIE LE LA.

Move on or you'll get left behind.
I'm already behind.
Like way behind.
And i'm kinda stuck.
Save me? Pull me out?
But no one will.

Love is something that i dont believe in anymore.